Important Note from Crystal: I thought this guest post was a unique and creative idea which might work in some situations — especially in the case of family members and/or a single person living with a family. However, I’d urge people to proceed with great caution, thought and prayer before setting up an arrangement like this. It’s not worth putting the health of your marriage or family at risk for the sake of saving money.
Guest post by Alexis at Mined Like a Diamond
My husband, daughter and I share a house with my sister-in-law, her husband, and their son. Each family saves several hundred dollars per month (based on what we would pay to rent an apartment) and we get to live in a house, with a yard, in a great neighborhood. Not only do we save quite a bit of money on rent, we also save money through combining resources and sharing some of the load of general home-keeping.
Co-housing benefits we’ve discovered:
By living in a house rather than an apartment, we enjoy:
- A big kitchen – wonderful for bulk cooking and group meals
- A basement – great for storage, extra pantry space, and a chest freezer
- Room to comfortably host overnight guests
- More space for dinner guests and other group hospitality opportunities than an apartment would offer
While sharing a house, we also share:
- Group meals and cooking duties (each family cooks and does dishes three nights per week, which means the other three nights we get home-cooked meals with no cooking and no dishes to do!)
- Household chores
- Free babysitting trade-offs
- Internet service
- A cell phone plan
- Utilities
- Some bulk purchases
- News and magazine subscriptions
- Kid gear for our similarly-aged toddlers
Almost every item on this list is a financial benefit!
It’s also fun! We enjoy a lot of built-in socializing and entertainment, while still saving money.
- We go out to eat much less frequently – with planned at-home meals six nights a week and easy leftovers on our no-cooking night, it’s more convenient to eat at home.
- We can easily take turns leaving sleeping kids for simple date nights without the hassle or expense of hiring a babysitter.
- During daily life, we can work more efficiently together to get things done that save us money in the long run, such as freezer cooking, cleaning, and DIY projects (e.g. sewing, making laundry soap, fixing up a guest room in the basement). Having at least one other adult around most of the time makes life easier and more fun!
Co-housing by choice is not for everyone (we definitely face some challenges due to this lifestyle!), but in this season of building up our savings and caring for our young families, it works for us. And even though it isn’t a utopian arrangement, we feel that it has really helped us to learn about community and brotherly love on a much deeper level, and has strengthened our relationships for life.
How to Pursue Co-Housing
Most people consider roommates to be a feature of their college or single years, but it can work to everyone’s benefit to share housing in less traditional scenarios.
Co-housing or multi-family living situations come in all shapes and sizes. If you are interested in attempting something like this, try to think creatively!
You could:
- Live with parents or other relatives who own a larger house than they use or need
- Rent a house with another couple
- Consider combining a family with a single renter or childless couple or single parent or some other configuration of individuals
Interested?
How To Get Started
- Do some research. Read about or ask people you know who have tried living with relatives or friends about their experiences.
- Identify people* you would be willing to try co-housing with and talk it over with them.
- Once you have the willing parties in place, determine which features are necessary (and/or preferred) for your particular situation, including cost, location, size, layout, and time frame.
- Start looking!
*IMPORTANT: Choosing potentially compatible housemates is something that may take quite a bit of thought, prayer, and wise consideration. Take the time to explore this decision as thoroughly as possible!
Make It A Positive Experience
- Before you move in, take some time to discuss expectations, hopes and fears, and ground rules.
- Expect a bumpy transition! This is likely a big change for every individual involved, and there may be an uncomfortable (but perfectly normal) adjustment period. Work to maintain an atmosphere of patience and grace, especially in the first few months.
- Communicate often, with love, respect, grace and truth. Make an effort to connect frequently and honestly with your housemates – weekly check-ins are a great idea. It is important to place relational health and harmony and the well-being of your marriage and family above financial and convenience factors, and it is not worth ruining relationships just to save a few thousand dollars.
- Have fun! Most likely, this will be a relatively short season in your lives. Try to enjoy the unique opportunities it presents for friendship, community, and memories.
Alexis loves being a wife and mom, and writes about her life, family, faith, and the ins, outs, ups and downs of co-housing at Mined Like a Diamond.
Do you have an idea for a guest post? I am always looking for high-quality, original (i.e. not published anywhere else online) content with tips and ideas Money Saving Mom® readers can use. If you would like to submit a guest post, please follow the Guest Posting Guidelines.
photo by dalylab; Caro’s Lines
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We recently sold our 5 bedroom home and downsized.
At the height of our “renting” days, we had 3 people living/renting with us, one of which was my sister. Our downstairs had 2 bedrooms w/full bath so that was an “apartment”. The younger guy rented that area.
We rented a bedroom to another guy that was only there M-F and then my sister had her own room. The guys shared the downstairs (apt) bath, while hubby, sister and I shared the upstairs bath.
The 2 guys were guys from my husband’s army unit so we knew them well. The rent we collected paid over half the mortgage and allowed us a little more room for “fun” things, like high speed internet and a belated honeymoon.
One of the guys lived with us for 5 years (the M-F guy). He worked full time with my hubby, but his wife/family was about 2 hours away. He was waiting for a job to open up at the Army facility near his home. We charged him far less than he was paying for an apartment.
I shared my kitchen and laundry facilities, but everyone was responsible for their own dishes, laundry, food, clean-up, etc. Occasionally, someone would make a nice dinner for everyone. But mostly, the guys kept to themselves.
It took some getting used to, after the last guy moved out. We had only lived there (just the two of us) for 2 months before the guys moved in.
If we had the room, I would possibly consider it again. Probably not with family though…
This is actually something my husband and I have been doing for about 6 months and now we’re signing another lease for a year with our roommate! Some people think it’s weird when we tell them that we live with a single female but we are the all the same age, have similar interests, and get along great. It works for us because we like having the extra help with the rent and enjoy having someone else to hang out with. She like the agreement so she doesn’t have to live alone and she feels safer having a male in the house. All in all, this situation has proved to be very rewarding for all. As long as you keep some things separate, and share others, everyone will feel as though they are part of one family….not just strangers in a home.
We’re going on one year of co-housing with my sister. We originally came up with the idea when my husband and I were in the market to buy a house. It’s a great financial situation because my sister’s rent is lower now and we have extra money for savings, home improvement projects, etc. We see the situation as helping each other out financially and the only way it works is because we have a good relationship with her. We share food, bills and chores. The best part is, we had a live-in dog sitter when we went on vacation. I completely agree that ground rules/expectations need to be discussed before. We went through every scenario and how we felt about it. It really helped to give us as much privacy as possible and establish some rules. Of course we’ve had a few times where we annoyed each other, but we have always been able to talk it through and work it out. We couldn’t do this with just anyone, but this situation has worked out for us.
We are currently doing this with my parents. It has been a blessing for us. It is tight and there are some logistical things that neede to be worked out. My husband lost his job recently and with it the housing provided by the place he worked for. We share the cooking and cleaning responsibilities (though my mom really does ost of the cooking), and we split groceries, since we all eat together. It has been neat to see the way my (small) children have had opportunity to bond further with my parents, and it has provided grounds for further training. My parents are very understanding about their role as grandparents and not parents. Discipline needs to happen and they allow us to discipline as we see fit, without interfereing and they also do not try and tell us how they did it, unless we ask. It would not be for everyone, but this is something we had talked about doing eventually anyway. It can be really beneficial, but you have to go in recognizing that everything isn’t going to be all roses and butterflies, that ther will be an adjustment period, and also a “honeymoon” period. Going in with clear expectations, and being willing to be a little flexible on them too goes a long way to making it work.
I live overseas in a country where it is very common for multiple generations to live together in MUCH smaller spaces. We have several sets of friends who have 4 adults (2 grand parents, 2 parents) and 2 kids living in a 2 bedroom apartment… and many of them like it! I actually think that people in the culture where I live get to experience a blessing that many Americans do not have the chance to experience. Our culture values personal space and freedom over relational closeness in many ways. It takes work for sure to be able to live with people, but I have seen that in many circumstances the blessings that come from deeply formed relationships have a much more profound value than the freedom and comfort afforded by personal space. In the culture here people are often much more sacrificial and willing to help one another out, especially when it comes to close friends or relatives. People in this culture really know what it means to depend on others and be depended upon, and it is an amazing thing to see. I will say though that our culture has not taught us well how to live this way, AND that it is not any of our faults for not knowing automatically how to make a situation like this work. We simply have not been raised this way and it is not something that you can force yourself to know how to do well. It will surely take much work and learning. We have co-housed for the short term (about 4 months), and it was a wonderful experience for us, as well as a learning experience. Obviously there are many things to take into consideration and cautions to be aware of, but I definitely do think that co-housing comes along with many treasured blessings that extend far beyond the financial savings… which are also great.
My husband and I live with his mother and step-father and it’s not perfect, but it’s a wonderful place for us. We sold our house for a very large loss a little over a year ago and last July realized how far behind we were getting. My in-laws not only lent us most of the money it took to get out of our home and avoid foreclosure, but they had offered space in their home for us and we eventually took it, very gratefully.
My daughter is 14 mo. old so it was a big thing for them to take us in with a busy and noisy toddler. I LOVE that she is getting such great exposure to her grandparents(though I’m jealous at times that it’s not with MY parents) and they are SO respectful of how we want to raise her. I realize that this would be very tough for many people to do with their mother-in-law in the home, but I am very blessed to have a mother-in-law who respects me and mine and my husbands’ choices for our child, whether or not she agrees with them.
If not for them, we would be SO incredibly far behind on our bills and would have no chance of catching up. It’s by far no longer typical for this type of situation to be “normal” and it definitely has it’s downfalls, but we are so happy to have made this choice right now. I think it will serve all of us better in our relationships down the line. You get to know people in a very different way when you are with them day in and day out than you do when you simply visit them occasionally on weekends or go out for dinner together.
I don’t often get alone time in the house or have full reign in the kitchen during dinner time, but the benefits far outweigh the downfalls and I am so thankful for the opportunity our family has given us to get in the right financial place!
There is one thing not mentioned – putting the agreement in writing. Verbal agreements are forgotten, but written ones can be referred to. Otherwise, very interesting concept. There are only a few people that I would attempt this with, but that’s all it takes to make it happen, right?
My husband and I lived with his brother for the first three years of our marriage. It was a house his parents own, but don’t currently live in, so we were “rent free.” It worked well, basically because we all worked and were never home. We each had our own t.v. and bathroom, so there was no conflict on that front. The ONLY issues were cleanliness. It was always unclear who’s responsibility it was to vacuum (brother-in-law walked through the house in dirty work boots, it I said it was his
). And laundry was difficult if we were all home on the weekends trying to get it all done. But other than that, we existed peacefully and have an amazing relationship today.
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