Last week, we sat with four couples who are dear friends of ours and we had a frank discussion about politics. We shared our hearts and we talked about our thoughts and struggles in deciding who to vote for this election season.
We had different viewpoints and conclusions and it was okay.
No one got upset or angry. No one was unkind or disrespectful. And we all listened to each other with the intent to truly understand.
Our desire was not to try to convince anyone of anything, but to understand where those who hold different viewpoints or who are voting for a different person are coming from.
We all came away with a lot to think about and a lot of gratitude for friends who are willing to be honest and forthright without being unkind or dogmatic.
I know that the election season has been especially divisive this go around. And, as a result of the fact that I have an online presence, some people have wondered why I’ve not talked about politics or who I’m voting for on my blog or on social media.
What you might not know — especially if you’re newer here — is that once upon a time, in the early years of my blogging, I was known as a very controversial blogger.
I wrote in-your-face blog posts about all sorts of hot button topics and I argued my case and my beliefs with anyone who disagreed in the comments section. I was blunt, bold, and bordering on fanatic.
Guess what this resulted in? I made a lot of enemies and frustrated a lot of people.
After a number of years, hard knocks of life, and a lot of major changes happening in my heart and beliefs, I realized that my place in my corner of the internet is not to bully, badger, and bulldoze over people. It’s to love, encourage, and inspire.
Some people are called to take a stand by running for office, or writing letters to the editor, or buying from a company that they believe in, or running a ministry to promote a cause they are passionate about.
For me, I’ve learned that I’m called to “take a stand” in a much quieter way.
I take a stand when I love on my kids, when I write blog posts to inspire women, when I encourage my husband, when I teach my kids right and wrong, when I ask someone to forgive me, when I build better habits, when I love someone who might not be in a place to love me back, when I look out for those who are hurting.
It might not be loud. It might not seem bold and brave. But it’s the way I’m called to make a difference in my space here in the world.
While I think there is a time and a place for political discussions, I personally haven’t seen where it’s effective for those discussions to be on the internet among strangers.
So that’s why I don’t talk about politics here — or anywhere on the internet. Instead, I want to focus my energies on encouraging women from all walks of life (many who probably come from polar opposite backgrounds and beliefs).
Despite the broad spectrum of people who read here, I love that we get to unite around the things we have in common. It makes me so happy that we have such diversity here and yet we are all here to encourage each other. We get to share great tips, inspiration, and money-saving advice… and we don’t have to worry about who is voting for whom.
In a country that feels so shattered and splintered by differing viewpoints and beliefs, it’s a beautiful thing and I’m so grateful for each and every one of you who make this space what it is (and those of you who have stuck with me since the beginning — even during my controversial blogging days!)
Emily Glass says
I love this! I’m mayor of a medium-size town, but I also teach etiquette and am quiet, unless specifically asked, about my political beliefs. Thank you for sharing!!
Wendy Briscoe says
Thank you for writing a post about your thoughts and feelings on NOT posting about this election. I personally really needed that lesson but in a different area in my life. Something has come up that I feel very strongly about but after seeking advice from my sister and others, my sister suggested to talk it over privately with my husband and a few close friends OFF facebook. Sometimes we can do more harm than good when we post our thoughts on social media. Thank you for that timely reminder once again. 🙂
Kris says
So true – I have always believed this even in face to face conversations! There is enough bickering and controversy on the internet as it is, and each person makes their choice based on what they believe in their hearts not based on what they read on the internet. I personally love that I can log in and not have to read about it!
Maureen says
This is a beautiful post! I am surprised that you were controversial. I have followed your blog for a few years and your writing is very inspiring.
Julie says
Crystal, this was such a nice post to read. Thank you! It encouraged me a lot as we are very like-minded in our thinking of posting about politics online. I find political conversations in small groups to be the most helpful as well.
I enjoy your blog and thank you for encouraging us moms out there. You have no idea how encouraging you have been to me over the years. 🙂 Keep ’em coming!
Meagan says
“While I think there is a time and a place for political discussions, I personally haven’t seen where it’s effective for those discussions to be on the internet among strangers.”
Absolutely agree!
Misty Gorman says
As a pastor’s wife, I, too, am often asked why I am not more outspoken about politics (like the two are somehow synonymous?) . Some people get downright angry about it. I DO have my own opinion on the election, but I do not believe that it is the most important “event” in the world. I would rather focus on the issues I feel most passionate about, like fostering children and mentoring their biological family. You, too, are posting about the things that you are most passionate about, because you are following His lead. I still believe He is in control no matter the result of the election and I will pray for whoever our leader will be. I am a Christian first.
Sarah D. says
Thank you SO much for not discussing politics!! You’re a breath of fresh air on Facebook. My memories of your earliest blog are mostly about motherhood and money – I don’t remember the controversial stuff. 🙂
Kimberly says
I haven’t commented in a while, but I just wanted to thank you for this. I too believe that there is a time, a place, and a way to talk about politics. The internet is not one of them!
Diana says
Romans 14:?? “do not destroy with your words your brother for whom Christ died.” It’s so easy to do that when arguments get heated, and it’s so easy to get heated about politics! Thanks for not starting a debate AND for sharing why 🙂 I’m always encouraged when I read here!
Vickie@Vickie's Kitchen and Garden says
I’m glad you have chosen this route. Right now I’m so sick of politics being discussed and I’m so glad to come somewhere to escape from it! My greatest hope is that we will all come together no matter what happens!
Lauren says
Thank you so much for writing this post! I was thinking just a couple days ago that your blog is one of the only places on the internet (that I personally frequent) that has not touched on politics. I was speculating you were not speaking out for these very reasons, and I was wishing you would share exactly why you’ve been silent. Thank you for using your voice to encourage people and promote kindness and understanding. That’s definitely a breath of fresh air in this election cycle and a message I wish more people were communicating.
Bethany says
I’ve tried to be a lot more careful online as well. I feel like I am called to love people, love God, and love his word. That’s it. Period. Sometimes it’s hard to not love my opinion, love my way with words, or love a cause.
Sophie says
And this is why we LOVE you! But I do wish I was a fly on the wall for the conversation with your friends. My husband and I have been having lots of conversations about this. It’s a tough and emotionally charged complicated decision. Honest and good conversations are what we need. In our own living rooms- not really blogs or facebook.
Hugs! Love when you share your growth stories. SO many areas that I want to grow as a young mom. It’s cool to see where other people have grown!
Crystal Paine says
Thank you so much for your sweet encouragement! You bless me!
Anita says
Crystal, I actually unfollowed (not unfriended) all friends on Facebook during this political season. The political posts are so divisive and unproductive that I just had to set up a boundary. It worked! I agree with you that the internet is not the place for productive conversations on politics.
Lynn D says
Anita, Thank you so much for the idea! I’ll just unfollow certain people until after the elections.
AM says
Thank you so much for this, Crystal. Yours is one of the few blogs I read because I love how positive it is. I love that don’t bring controversy and that your comments are kind and respectful. I often come to your site after checking the news, which rarely leaves me feeling good, and I always leave your site feeling happy. Thank you again.
Crystal Paine says
That makes me SO happy! That’s my goal!!
Frances Ray says
I agree that the Internet is not a place to debate this subject. I own my own business and I’m trying to get two blogs going. I won’t disuss politics on the internet and rarely discuss them in my office. After much thought I posted a few comments tonight in reference to some items on our local ballot that had to do with taxes. Hoping that doesn’t come back to haunt me.
Barb says
Thank you so much Crystal, I am from Canada and I am inundated with your politics, because most of the shows that we find entertaining are of course on your television stations. It has come to mean so much to me that the women I follow online are keeping their own counsel about their feelings towards politics, so that I don’t have to listen to anymore of the rhetoric.
Val says
Great post!! I am new to your platform, and love what you stand for. It is incredibly refreshing to be apart of something where beliefs can be put aside and just enjoy what we have to offer each other. Thank you for being such a strong, encouraging, and wonderful women.
“How beautiful is it to stay silent when someone expects you to be enraged”
Keep inspiring!! 🙂
Jessica says
I have been using this election to teach my kids that every vote matters. From the school levy to the president. I’ve also made a point that women have only had the right to vote for just a few generations. I hope that my daughters (and son) will exercise their rights as citizens. Even if they do not vote the same way as me, I feel that it is not only a right but a responsibility.
Crystal Paine says
YES! We have used this election to talk about a lot of issues with our kids, let them watch the debates and form their own opinions, and have a lot of rousing discussions as a family. I think it’s SO important and I love that you are doing that with your kids!
Lana says
I can’t help but notice your son’s shirt in the background. We are big fans of The Green Ember here at my house! Where did you find his shirt, if you don’t mind my asking? I’d love to order one for myself…and maybe my daughters too!
Crystal Paine says
S.D. Smith sent it to us!! My kids love the shirts, too! I think he might sell them on his website?
Jenn says
We got ours during the Kickstarter for the sequel, but they were also for sale on the website a few months ago…
susan in st louis says
yes, me too! I just was going to google “Green Ember T-shirt”…great Christmas present! 🙂
JP says
The Green Ember and the Black Star of Kingston are favorites of hours. My place beside you…till end of the world. 🙂
Nicole says
I first remember seeing you Crystal, in a BBC documentary series about religious mothers. I remember thinking of you as a zealot. I thought I was the type of person you wouldn’t like. I judged you just as I thought you would have judged me. That was until I once read on your blog how often you ate pb&j sandwiches while your husband was in law school. The same sandwiches I ate for days on end when I was in law school. As silly as it sounds, your words resonated with me and I’ve been a reader ever since. Granit, we may not always see eye-to-eye on every issue, but I’ve always felt like you were still the type of person whom I would enjoy grabbing a cup of coffee with. Your generous spirit is in everything you do. I appreciate you as a person and as a blogger. Thank you for a great post!
Crystal Paine says
Oh goodness! That documentary was horrifying to me… even the brash, bold, blunt version of myself that I was then!
They had told me it was going to be this really positive piece about marriage and couples who are in love and have a strong marriage and then they ended up pushing me to do all sorts of things I felt very uncomfortable with and picking those out to use, heavily editing what we said, and taking out a BUNCH of the context. I was young and naive and just trusted them when they pitched it to me… lesson learned, for sure.
But all that aside, thank you so much for looking past that and for sticking around — and I do hope we get to grab that cup of coffee sometime!!
Sarah@TheOrthodoxMama says
That is horrible, Crystal! How awful! I’m glad you were able to learn from it and move on. I think I might have been scared away from speaking for the media/ in public ever again. 🙂
Asheritah says
I have so much respect for you for this very reason. Thank you for fostering a sane and safe place on the internet this election season. ❤️
Crystal Paine says
Thank you so much for your kind encouragement and the inspiration you are to me!
Michele says
Nice post. I was around when you used to be more outspoken on your political beliefs, and although I probably disagreed with you almost 100% on most issues, I stuck around because we are pretty similar in the saving money, raising kids, and the doing your best department. I am also a bit older than you, and it has been interesting to see you evolve over the years (as I’m sure I have, as well).
I think when it comes down to it, most people (except the extremists on both sides) are pretty sane and mostly want the same things in their lives but approach their goals from different angles. If we just sat down and talked with each other, we’d probably find a lot more common ground than when we are screaming over one another.
Crystal Paine says
Thanks so much for sticking around! And yes, I so agree with this:
“If we just sat down and talked with each other, we’d probably find a lot more common ground than when we are screaming over one another.”
Amy says
I agree with that, too!
And Crystal, I definitely get where you’re coming from. I’m so thankful for respectful, one on one or small group conversations about controversial issues. I agree those tend to be a lot more helpful and productive!