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Modesty, Legalism, and Grace

Want to hear our thoughts on legalism and grace and how this plays out in our decisions and convictions? Be sure to listen to this week’s episode!

Missed previous episodes of The Crystal Paine show? You can listen to them here.

Ever since Jesse and I did our show on breaking free from legalism, we’ve received a lot emails, messages, and comments all asking similar questions.

The questions were all something like, “If you don’t adhere to legalism, what should you adhere to?” “How do you determine what you should believe and practice?” “What kind of convictions should a Christian have when it comes to dress, music, dating, a woman’s role, etc.?”

In this episode, Jesse and I dig into the concept of standards and how to know what to believe and practice in light of grace and the Gospel. We tackle some tough topics — like modesty — and share how we process through what is right and wrong when it comes to standards.

While I don’t expect you to agree with every thing we say, I hope that this episode will challenge you to think about what you believe and why you believe it and the choices you make and why you make them.

In This Episode: 

[00:26] – Welcome back to the show! This is a different show than we usually do because we’re going to take a deep dive into the topic of legalism.

[01:57] – Listen as I read the listener email that inspired us to do this show.

[03:28] – Jesse starts off with his thoughts on the email and the definition of standards.

[06:03] – Is your reason for doing something to please someone else or to “fit in”?

[07:09] – The basis of any standard should start with your heart.

[10:14] – Who do you believe God is? Your actions might show that it’s actually different than what you say.

[11:42] – I share my favorite phrase in the Bible that applies to this topic and how it has profoundly impacted my life.

[17:35] – So what standards should we set? How do we decide how we should act and what convictions we should hold?

Links and Resources:

Have feedback on the show or suggestions for future episodes or topics? Send me an email:

How to Listen to The Crystal Paine Show

The podcast is available on iTunesAndroidStitcher, and Spotify. You can listen online through the direct player we’ll include in the show notes of each episode. OR, a much easier way to listen is by subscribing to the podcast through a free podcast app on your phone. (Find instructions for how to subscribe to a podcast here.)

Ready to dive in and listen? Hit the player above or search for “The Crystal Paine Show” on your favorite podcast app.

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  • Tosha Kelly says:

    Beautiful podcast! Your comment that God sees Jesus when he sees me brought tears to my eyes. I was raised with legalism, and so many years later, I fight that insecurity in who I am in Christ. Thank you for being so transparent and honest and bringing beauty into my life tonight.

    • Thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement!

      • Maria says:

        Good coverage of an important topic. Having several daughters over a 15 year span, I’ve become much less legalistic and for example: dress. Although I don’t always approve of clothing choices I recognize the choices are not mine to make as they are not little children any longer. My oldest son recently pointed out how much freedom our youngest is allowed and inquired as to why I trusted her more than I had him. My answer was that I don’t, but I trust God more.
        I’ve seen people leave our church because they believe kids dancing or rapping the gospel is irreverent. In the past I may have done the same. Thank God He keeps growing me! And thank God I ‘m not stuck with Gregorian chants!

  • Archie Davis Jr says:

    God wants his people to be holy. Spending time with the Lord is important. The main issue I see with some people is saying everyone should homeschool their kids. I believe a family should pray about what is best for them. People need to get into the Word Of God for themselves. Each person are in different seasons of life and learn from others. You have to check your motives why you do what is best for you. Every region is different and every country is different. The Podcast was great.

  • Lena Zimmerman says:

    Thank you for the efforts in sharing about being secure in who we are in Christ! It was a blessing to hear! Live in love and live from that love!! So needful!

  • Kristen says:

    Walked out of legalism about a year and a half ago, and God is so faithful. Our relationship is so much deeper than it ever was because now instead of striving to please Him I am free to live Him and let Him love me. Legalism didn’t allow that.

  • Kimberly says:

    Excellent! Really enjoyed the way you presented this topic in a balanced and delicate way….with grace…in light of the gospel! These are topics that need to be discussed..with grace, honesty and love! Looking forward to more ‘digging deep’ discussions like this!

  • Archie Davis Jr says:

    When it comes to topics I believe the main one get caught up with in legalism is should a person homeschool their kids and Modesty. My whole thing what message you send is important. I seen the crazy debates on these two issues. You have to check your motives and really get intune with the Lord. Crystal you and your Husband podcast has been great and keep up excellent work.

  • Julie says:

    This podcast episode resonated with me so much! I share a similar story. Thanks for your vulnerability and for addressing this important topic!

  • Dana says:

    I loved this! Great podcast and done with such grace. Keep them coming!

  • Nicole Smith says:

    I really enjoyed this podcast and felt it spoke to my heart on this issue. I’ve always felt the need to explain or justify that, even though, I may not ashere to certain restrictions or practices, I call still be a 100% devout follower of Christ. My basis comes from the love of/from God and Jesus and I practice from this place of love for my God, myself and others. The deeds or rules I do or do not follow is not what opens me up to a relationship with God. He loves me and I have to have faith that that love he showed me through Jesus is what makes our relationship possible. His love and my faith.

  • Beth says:

    Thank you! This was such a balanced discussion, all done in 30 minutes :). I’m still sorting some of this topic out – how it’s going to play out personally – and this was encouraging. Two thoughts I had were 1) I really wish more people would have this conversation with themselves. I’ve been in more legalistic circles and more “Christian liberty” circles and it seems like people just want to fit in (or do what they please), like Jesse mentioned.
    2) I REALLY appreciate how you’ve handled your journey as someone in the public’s eye. You’ve been very slow to share your journey and very careful with how you’ve shared it. Many bloggers use the internet as kind of like a journal – “Let me just dump everything I’m dealing with and drag everyone along with me, even though in two years I may be in a completely different place and most of what I’m saying now will be irrelevant. (or way too personal)” Thank you for your gracious, God fearing leadership.

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