Welcome to my weekly post where we take a break from money-related posts and I share about what I’m loving right now and give you a little peek into our life from the past week.
What I’m Reading
I can’t recommend this book, Hope Heals, highly enough if you’re feeling overwhelmed and discouraged with life. It’s the beautiful story of learning to live again, in spite of great loss.
Many people had recommended it to me and now I see why. I literally did not put it down once I had started it.
Right now, I’m reading: The Broken Way, DARE: The New Way to End Anxiety & Stop Panic Attacks, More Than Just Making It (pre-release copy), and A Secret Courage.
{See my Reading Goals for 2017. Also, see the 42 books I’ve read so far in 2017 here.}
What I’m Learning
Some people can go-go-go & function great! And then there are people like me… I can go-go-go for 3-4 days at a time, but then I need at least 1-2 days to recharge.
If I go full blast for more than 4 days without a break, I get irritable, grumpy, and (often) sick.
So, after a really full week with late nights at the Destination Imagination Global Finals in Knoxville last week, I took Sunday and Monday completely off. I went to bed early, slept in, stayed in my comfy pants, didn’t go anywhere, didn’t put on makeup, didn’t do live video, we had super easy meals, and I spent a lot of time just hanging out with my family and reading.
I used to be frustrated that I didn’t have the same capacity that many people do. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to appreciate the way God has wired me.
It keeps me from overloading my schedule. It reminds me to pace myself and make space in my life to rest and recharge. And it encourages me to intentional in what I say yes to.
Space, breathing room, permission to rest & recharge… it’s a beautiful thing!
What I’m Working On
“What do you do when you feel frustrated, stressed out, and short-tempered?” A reader asked this recently.
Um, the honest answer is that I sometimes (much more often than I would like!) give in to the feelings and snap at people I love. I wish it weren’t the case, but it is.
A better response — the one that I am working on and working toward — is to slow down, step back, and stop and ask, “Why am I feeling this way? Where is this coming from?”
Those two simple questions of why and where can make such a big difference. They allow me to get to the root of the problem instead of just sitting in the leaves of stress.
It might be too much on my plate (and I need to cut myself some slack), it might be that I’m tired (and I need to prioritize sleep), it might be that I’m frustrated about a circumstance outside my control (and I need to give myself some grace), it might be hormones (and I just need to recognize this), or it might be a thousand other reasons.
Whatever it is, when I stop and ask why and where, I’m much more likely to make some headway in calming down than just continuing to ride the stress spiral down.
Other things that help me: stopping to pray and ask God to love through me, taking a Mommy Time Out (even just for 5 minutes!), getting outside (a change of scenery can do wonders!), turning on music (in my earbuds, for a bit, if need be), texting or talking to a friend (and being really vulnerable and honest).
What I Reminded Myself Of This Week
Kathrynne and I flew to Iowa on Thursday for me to speak at the Iowa Homeschool Conference on Friday and Saturday.
I woke up Friday morning feeling unsettled and inadequate. You see, every time I prepare to go on stage, I battle my lifelong insecurities.
Here’s what I wrote that morning:
“Do I really have anything to offer?”
“What if no one comes to my sessions?”
“What if my talks fall flat?”
“Will the conference organizers regret asking me to come speak?”
And on and on those voices in my head can go. Around and around in pointless circles, accomplishing nothing other than making me focus on myself and waste time worrying.
I was reminded of this quote I read from Ann Voskamp. And my heart breathed a big sigh of relief.
I don’t have to stress over trying to be exactly what I think the audience might want me to be. I don’t have to waste time wondering whether I’ll be funny enough, engaging enough, practical enough…
God is just asking me to show up as me. To be fully authentic, fully present, to focus on serving those He brings into my path, to love and give and pour myself out.
And that’s what He’s calling you to do today, too. Show up fully as the beautiful person He has made you to be. Live with your arms open wide. Give yourself away. Love like today might be your last day.
Voices in my head, you can book it. I have a mission to do today and I don’t need you to get in my way!
What I’m So Thankful For This Week
She was born during Jesse’s second year of law school. We were flat broke, we’d only been married for two years, we were 23 and 24 and just finding our way, and most people would say that it was the worst timing ever for having a baby.
Sure, it was hard many days as we were some of the only people in our law school friend group who had a baby. Yes, she was a SUPER fussy baby for the first 6 months and a really poor sleeper for the first 18 months.
But this girl has been one of the greatest blessings we could have ever imagined. She not only helped us grow up really quickly, she gave us some much-needed perspective and joy in the throes of law school life.
And now, at 12, I look at her and am so grateful we didn’t wait to start a family until it was “wise” or we were “financially ready”… because she continues to bring so much joy and life into our lives.
Also, no one tell her that she’s not supposed to think her mom is cool. Because I’ve heard that’s a thing with teens but she has yet to get the memo. In fact, she told me the other day, “I love it when you hang out with my friends. It’s like you’re one of us. And they all think you are cool!”
Moms of littles: I know that life probably feels overwhelming, exhausting, and stressful right now. You might wonder if you should have waited to have kids until the timing was better.
I just want to encourage you: focus on the blessings, keep loving and nurturing and teaching your little kiddos, and some day soon, you’ll wake up with a 12 year old who is not only really amazing and a huge help to you, but who you also absolutely love hanging out with!
Kathrynne and I had so much fun on the speaking trip to Iowa. (If you follow me on Insta Stories, you already got to see lots of behind-the-scenes videos already of my trip! I love getting to share real-time peeks into our life there!)
It was Kathrynne’s first time to visit Iowa and I hadn’t been there in a long time, so I had forgotten how beautiful it was. Plus, we loved that it reminded us a lot of our home state of Kansas!
I spoke three times and gave one keynote session and two breakout sessions. I spoke on: Raising Kingdom-Minded Kids, Saying Goodbye to Survival Mode, and Unleashing Your Best You.
The attendees were so incredibly warm and receptive and kind. I hadn’t spoken at a homeschool conference in almost two years and I haven’t spoken much at all in the last year, so I wasn’t sure how it would feel to be back on the “speaking circuit” again.
I realized that speaking is kind of like riding a bike for me… once you’ve practiced it enough, you just get back up there and do it again. But I did forget how tiring it was! I love to stay and talk to every last person and really get to hear your stories and do what I can to encourage each person. But once it’s over with, I always feel like I’ve given every last drop and then I’m ready to crash into bed!
We did make time for a little fun — including attempting to play corn hole. With a big emphasis on the word attempt, for me. You can see video proof here. 😉
Another highlight of the conference: I got to briefly see my friend, Abigail. I haven’t seen her since my wedding 14 years ago!!!
What I’m Pondering
One day recently, one of my kids was disrespectful toward me. I told them that if that happened again, I would have to take away a certain big privilege.
Unfortunately, the next morning, they were disrespectful again. I calmly reminded them of what I had said the night before and told them they had lost the certain big privilege.
They were devastated. And it broke my heart to have to take something away that was so near and dear to them.
It was an opportunity for me to lean in close and let this child know how much I loved them and how sad I was that they wouldn’t get that certain big privilege.
The rest of that day, they had such a softened, changed heart and we had a wonderful day together.
When I woke up the next morning, I felt the Holy Spirit prompting me to give that certain big privilege back to the child. This is not usually at all how I would roll, but I couldn’t shake this idea. I talked to Jesse, I thought about it, I prayed about it, and felt like it was the right thing.
So I went back to the child and told them that I was going to give them back that certain big privilege again. They looked at me dumbfounded: “But I don’t deserve it, Mom!”
“I know you don’t,” I quietly responded, “But I woke up this morning and felt like that’s what God wanted me to do. I think He wants you to know how much He loves you.”
My child’s face was still overcome with shock, still reeling from how they didn’t deserve this… and then they said to me, “That’s GRACE.”
My throat felt tight and my eyes welled with tears. GRACE. Sometimes we forget just how much grace God has heaped upon us. But in that moment, with my child, both of us got a very tangible reminder of just how much we are loved.
Cheryl Ferreira says
Thanks so much for coming to the Iowa Homeschool Convention! It was wonderful to hear you in person and to get to meet you. And for the answers to the questions in your head that morning…..Yes, you had valuable things to offer, your sessions were filled with people, and your talks were encouraging! In fact, at your last session, I heard people all around me sniffling and dabbing at their eyes, coming to the realization that they in fact were beautiful and treasured by God! Thanks for letting us all know that we shouldn’t listen to the lies, but to the truth of who God says we are. I encourage you to share even more of your healing journey, like some of the things you shared during the “15 Days to a Healthier You” course. I think people would benefit from hearing that sometimes the lies go deep and we need healing from things in our past. I used to believe the lie that I had no value, but this past year got some deep inner healing and now know that I am priceless to my Father! Check out the song “Priceless” from “for King and Country,” it sealed the deal for me. Blessings to you, Crystal!
Crystal Paine says
Thank you so much for your kind encouragement!! And thank you so much for attending my sessions. That means so much!
carole says
I am having a very hard time reading the blog and getting it to load since you installed pop up ads. Didn’t you say recently that you would NOT put them up because they annoy readers and cause these loading issues? Please remove them
Crystal Paine says
Yikes! There shouldn’t be any pop-up ads. I don’t have any idea where you are seeing these as you definitely shouldn’t be seeing them. Can you email me screenshots of what you are seeing? moneysavingmom @ gmail.com — Thank you!
Diane says
I get them every time I go to your blog now. I figured it was intentional.
Crystal Paine says
No way! That definitely shouldn’t be happening! Unless it’s the little bar that you’re seeing at the bottom of mobile? Or is it an actual pop-up ad that’s showing over the text?
Can you send us a screenshot so I can see what you’re seeing? Send it to [email protected] — thank you!
Maurika says
I loved the grace story. It brought me to tears. This post was very encouraging to me in many ways. Thank you!
Crystal Paine says
I’m so grateful that it encouraged you!
Krystal @ Simple Finance Mom says
One of my favorite things about this was your word choice: permission. I find myself loading my days with things that can wait. My get-it-all-done mentality is something I’m working on this year. Maybe I need to “give myself permission” to let go of my self-inflicted burdens, stick to simple to-do lists, and be eternally minded. Will this item on my to-do list make a difference in five years? No? Then it will wait.
Crystal Paine says
I’m so glad that my words inspired you! Permission is a beautiful thing!
Kristin says
Thanks for being brave enough to share both your successes AND struggles. Its what makes you such an encouragement to so many. Now let me encourage you:) Don’t worry about the teen years, no matter what you hear! They are just the best! Keep showing your kids grace and being honest about your own imperfections and you will keep them close to your heart. (Teens of my own and years in youth ministry have shown me that teens value authenticity above all else!) They will always be your babies, but they will start to be your friends, as well and there is nothing like it!
God bless you and your ministry 🙂
Crystal Paine says
Thank you so, so much for your encouragement! It blessed me!
Elisa says
I loved the grace story too (like a few others here).
I think because it’s difficult to discipline our kids in love. It’s not easy! And I often think that if I’ve said ‘this is how long the punishment is going to last’ I’ve got to stick to my guns otherwise I’m being weak.
But there have been the odd occasion where, my husband and I both decided that we needed to extend mercy and not just blindly stick to our guns. And it really does blow their little minds away!
Thank you for sharing and being real. xx
Crystal Paine says
Thank you so much for your encouragement!
Alicia says
Isn’t it amazing how many times we learn more from our kids then they learn from us? I love watching God use our children to speak to us. Gives me goosebumps. 🙂
Crystal Paine says
YES! I know!
Rosanna@ExtraordinaryEverydayMom says
I relate to the not being able to go, go, go. I haven’t taken the Meyer’s-Briggs personality test, but I do know that I am an introvert. I also learned, last summer, that I’m a highly sensitive person. I read the book to find out about my daughter and realized that she’s cut from the same cloth as me! Thanks for this series, Crystal! I come every Sunday night just to see if you’ve put it up.
Crystal Paine says
Aw, I’m so glad that you enjoy these posts! I enjoy putting them together!
Terry Jane Velasquez says
May I borrow your copy of More than Just Making It?
Crystal Paine says
It’s just a print out of a PDF of the not-finished book because I was asked to endorse it, but the book will be out soon!
Juli says
What a gift that your child responded correctly and felt the pain of the consequence and fully repented. You can’t force a truly repentant heart. And what a gift that she recognized grace. Such a touching story. And I’m glad you rejoiced in the moment.
My child doesn’t have that perspective. Praying that I will have a story to share like yours soon. Praying for a heart change for her and wisdom for us as we seek to guide and train her.
Crystal Paine says
Parenting is so tough! I just stopped and prayed for you and your child.
Sophie says
These are my very favorite posts! ? I would have loved to hear your talks. And thanks for the parenting perspective! Kathryn seems like such a gift!
Crystal Paine says
Thanks so much for your encouragement!
Swapna says
Loved the grace story – made me get tears in my eyes. Thanks for sharing the story.
Crystal Paine says
You are so welcome! I’m glad it encouraged you!
Marianne Hardy says
That’s beautiful! I’m glad you responded to the holy Spirit! It’s so hard to go against our parenting rules! What a blessing!
Crystal Paine says
Thanks so much for your encouragement!
Bethany says
So fun see you and Abigail! We need to plan a wedding week reunion one of these days! ?
Crystal Paine says
Wouldn’t that be fun???
Mel says
Kathrynne is beautiful.
And I too loved the grace story. Thank you for sharing and listening to God’s prompting.
Crystal Paine says
Thanks so much for your kind encouragement!
LEANNE says
loved this post…
1. I have chronic migraines… I CAN go-go-go…but, my body, and then ultimately my family pay for it… good reminders to PICK THE RIGHT THINGS… NOT ALL THE THINGS
2. I have a 12 year old son… I LOVE talking to him… I LOVE that he still seems to like to talk to me and even takes me out on dates (the last one, he dressed up in his DAD’S SUIT and took me to my favorite restaurant and to a movie…)… sure, I see some of “teenager” stuff pop up every now and then… but, they are opportunities to teach… not catastrophes to fear
3. I have done the same thing with my own boys… explained what grace (and mercy are)… and then had the opportunity to SHOW grace and mercy…showing it has always reminded WHAT LAVISH LOVE THE FATHER HAS FOR ME…
* I love this post series… I wait for it every week… thank you for sharing your heart… 🙂
Crystal Paine says
Aw, thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement! And oh my goodness! I loved your story of your son dressing up and taking you out!
Sarah says
Have you ever considered that you might not be “just” an introvert, but also possibly an HSP? So much of you reminds me of me, only 10 years younger.
http://hsperson.com/
Also, I know your “new” diet and exercise program have done wonders for you (yea, for you!) and you were able to go off most (if not all?) of your supplements, but I can help but share…I think almost every American needs supplemental magnesium…here’s just one short article that came to mind for you particularly (and me):
http://www.larabriden.com/8-ways-that-magnesium-rescues-hormones/
Lastly, I LOVED the story at the end “What I’m Pondering” — Awesome! Well done, Mom!
Crystal Paine says
Yes! I found out this year that I am also an HSP. It helped a TON for me to realize this! And I used to take magnesium but had gone off of it, however, believe it or not, just started taking it again this weekend and told Jesse that I was thinking to start taking it again daily. So I loved what you shared!
Sarah says
So glad to hear it. It DOES help to understand how you’re wired, that God did it and that it’s okay that it doesn’t look like “everyone else.”
You have frequently posted about getting out of your “comfort zone.” Knowing your personality, yet seeing what God called you to and allowed you to accomplish, makes those posts all the more understandable. Reminds me of Moses who did not feel up to the task.
My life has given me many opportunities where I was “forced” out of my comfort zone and God’s power was made perfect in my weaknesses. I think yours has as well. 🙂
Nicole Smith says
Hi there, I just want to to let you know you know how much of an inspiration you have been to me these past few months. I have been pregnant with my second daughter and been working on starting my a lifestyle blog and I have learned so much from you in doing that. I have signed up for some of the stuff you have offered. And I just love listening to your videos you off and I love your idea with your Blogging University. And I had no idea who you were till a few months ago while doing all this blogging research. Also while I was nesting and going through some books I had I realized I had bought a Mother’s journal a few years ago and realized it was you who made it. I was just like Wowed! Your warm and caring personality is just so special. Your an Angel and I can just fill up on Gods grace he sends through you and I love it. I now had my daughter Faith Anna in Memorial Day and my hormones are all over the place and I just read your post about your weekly round up and it just made me feel like every thing is gonna be ok. I just wanna thank you for being you.
Crystal Paine says
Oh wow! Thank you so much for your kind encouragement! Your comment really blessed me!
Alex Guglielmo says
I really enjoyed this post! I can really relate to having to come to a place of acceptance when it comes to energy levels…everyone tells me how young I am and how much energy I *should* have (I really dislike that word!!), but I just don’t, and that’s okay. Being laid back is a great flip side of low energy!
I also enjoyed hearing about Kathrynne, and about your child’s comment on grace (my eyes also welled up with tears!). What a privilege to see the wisdom of your offspring, all by the grace of God!!
Crystal Paine says
Thanks so much for your encouragement! And yes, it’s so good when we just embrace who God has created us to be!