Guest post by Mary of Giving Up On Perfect
A couple weeks ago we had a friend over for dinner for the first time. As he walked into our living room and glanced around our home, he said, “Your house isn’t THAT small!”
Though he’d never been to my house before, he’d heard me complain about it for years – and while I was certain his visit would confirm every bad thing I’d ever said about our old, tiny, falling apart, impossible-to-sell house, it seemed to do the opposite.
Our friend walked around our dining room, asking my husband about the “interesting” textured walls and peering down the hallway as if it led to an east wing instead of three small bedrooms and an even smaller bathroom.
After he left, I thought about how distorted my perspective had gotten after living in our “starter” home for nearly 13 years.
I try to force gratitude on myself by thanking God for a house to live in during bedtime prayers with my daughter each night. And I know full and well that millions of people live in much worse conditions that I can’t even fathom. A fridge that leaks or floors that squeak are absolutely not the end of the world, and the fact that my two daughters have their own bedrooms and our garage is full of all the stuff that won’t fit in our house makes us fortunate, if not spoiled.
Yet when I’m honest with myself – or with you, I must admit that the feeling I have most often toward my home is resentment. You know, that lovely combination of disappointment, bitterness and envy? Yeah, that.
I don’t want to feel that way – or to act that way, or to teach my kids to be that way. I want to be satisfied with what I have and thankful for all I’ve been given.
So as we begin this new year and turn over all the new leaves, I’m determined to create a clearer perspective on my home and to replace that ugly resentment with true contentment. Perhaps these steps will help you start the year with more contentment, too.
3 Steps to Replacing Resentment with Contentment
1. Choose gratitude.
Find something – anything! – to be thankful for. If you have to start small, like I have, with a child-like prayer for the basics, do it.
If you can find something you appreciate about your situation – even if it’s as minor as a warm bed, air conditioning, a working dishwasher or original wood floors – do it. Start with one tiny aspect of your home or your job or your marriage or your life that you can acknowledge as good – and express gratitude for it.
Write it down, say it out loud, do whatever it takes to make it real and make it stick.
And then? Do it again tomorrow and the next day and the next, until it’s a habit and your go-to response.
2. Choose service.
When I said that I know millions of people live in far worse conditions than my small-but-warm, old-but-safe house in the suburbs, I was sincere. I do know that. But as I’ve been thinking about how hard it is for me to maintain that attitude about my home, I’ve realized that perspective is simply theoretical for me. I don’t volunteer at a soup kitchen or visit the tent city across the river.
But maybe I should.
Maybe choosing to serve others would help me remember how incredibly blessed I am instead of letting myself slide into bitterness and envy for all the things I don’t have.
3. Choose joy.
Every single time I feel stuck or trapped in a house, a job, a relationship, a situation, the only thing that gets me through it is remembering I still have control over my attitude.
Even if my house won’t sell or my kids won’t obey or my boss won’t recognize my work or the test results won’t change or the weather won’t improve, I get to choose how I respond to those situations. I get to choose how I frame them, mentally and emotionally.
I get to choose whether or not I face the challenges, the frustrations, the disappointments of life with a joyful heart or a bitter one.
I’m not saying it’s easy. Choosing joy requires a strength I don’t have, a reserve I can only find when I lean on God. But it IS an option – even when I only have one bathroom and my one and only toilet is overflowing, again.
My friend Sara talked about how worthwhile and simple this is, even though it’s not always easy:
I think our expectations of what we want life to be often overshadow the good things that are already in front of us – and that’s when we miss the silver lining. But when my focus is on living the best life I can with what I have in that moment, I always find my silver lining. I’m not expecting what I used to have or what I think I should have. I’m looking at the blessings right in front of me and saying thank you every day.
I am blessed because I take nothing for granted. I love what I have instead of yearning for what I lack. I choose to be happy, and I am. It really is that simple.
Excerpt from Choose Joy: Finding Hope & Purpose When Life Hurts
Gratitude, service, and joy: these are the ingredients that add up to a heart and a life full of contentment, rather than resentment. Choosing these attitudes will change the way we see what’s right in front of us – and while it may not be easy, it really is that simple.
How do you cultivate contentment in your life?
Mary is a writer, speaker, and recovering perfectionist. She writes about her imperfect life with humor and honesty, encouraging women to give up on perfect and get on with life, at Giving Up On Perfect. Mary is the co-author of a new book called, Choose Joy: Finding Hope & Purpose When Life Hurts.
Beth says
Love this post!!! It was truly meant for me to read. Thank you for sharing. It is so easy for me to be focused on the material things, instead of focusing on the many wonderful gifts God has given me! Gratitude has been life changing for me this year. I started keeping a daily gratitude journal to remind myself of all of the good things I have in my life, and MAN has that been an eye-opener. I cannot recommend it enough!
Mrs. Frugalista says
I feel as though this was meant for me to read. I can assure you that a big house will not bring you contentment because it has to come from within you. Lately I’ve struggled with finding joy and feeling grateful for all the blessings in my life. This post was timely and God sent.
Gratitude, service, and joy: these are the ingredients that add up to a heart and a life full of contentment, rather than resentment. Choosing these attitudes will change the way we see what’s right in front of us – and while it may not be easy, it really is that simple.
It truly is that simple!
Sara says
Thank you for this post. I would love to have a house with a yard so my dog could run outside, but the cheapest price for a small two-bedroom apartment is around $250,000-$350,000 which is out way of my reach. This can get really frustrating and depressing at times.
I know that God has a plan and if he decides that it’s time, we’ll be able to find something within our means. In the meantime, I need to be grateful for having a warm place to come home to, even if it’s small. I will do what another poster mentioned, and will try to make it the prettiest home for my family.
Beth says
Perfect timing for me today. One thing I struggle with is saying something like “I don’t know how much longer I can put up with ____________________” or “I don’t know if I can handle one more thing.” For me it’s mostly physical issues and a few small things that grate on me over time. This morning I remembered a friend saying “As a newlywed I was overwhelmed with the idea of being a good wife FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. Then I realized I only needed to focus on being a good wife TODAY.” And also of Jesus, “Tomorrow will take care of it’s own problems, don’t worry about them today” (Mt. 6) I really need to work on focusing on trusting and being content today, not getting overwhelmed about tomorrow. Thank you for the suggestions!
Raquel Evans says
My husband and I had intended to buy a house shortly after getting married, but we had trouble finding the right house in our price range, and decided we needed to keep saving and keep looking. Our fifth anniversary will be at the end of this month, and we’re still in an apartment that is very close to where my husband works.
A couple of years ago I was starting to really struggle with the inconveniences of a small kitchen and no in house laundry, until I realized that when I finally got a house with those things I was almost definitely going to lose time with my husband because of being farther away from where he works. That put things right back into perspective, and I decided I could put up with a few inconveniences to enjoy the extra time while we had it. 🙂
This post has great timing though, as I’m just starting to get ‘house fever’ again, along with concerns about possible mold growth in our apartment. While it may be that God has the right house coming on to the market for us soon, I can still be grateful for all the good things (and good memories) that come with this apartment for as long as we’re here, and I needed that reminder.
Kristina says
Our first house when we were in our mid-twenties was a lovely home. We were able to maintain our rent and bills by me working overtime. Once babies started arriving and I was unable to pick up as much overtime, we slowly lost control and could not maintain the cost and lost it to foreclosure. Finding a place to live with two small babies after foreclosure was HARD! In my area almost every apartment/townhouse complex requires a credit check. Finally after calling and calling I found a kind, old man who owned a bunch of apartments. He was willing to rent a one bedroom apartment he had available to our family of four. That home had so many happy memories. It was tiny but being in such close proximity to each other was beautiful for our family and we realized we didn’t need a big space. We lived there for about two and a half years and had another baby while there. Since living there both my husband and I have been drawn to small living spaces. My dream is to own a tiny, little house that we can fill to the brim with our love. For now we are renting a townhouse and plan on buying a mobile home with our tax refunds so we can start saving for our future. Where we are currently in life is not where we expected it to be but we are surrounded by so many blessings! We have learned so much from out life mistakes.
Alyssa says
Thank you for this! 6 of us live in a small, two bedroom house. I absolutely love my kitchen though – it’s huge for how big our house is. Ive chosen to make our tiny home as beautiful as I can. And the days when it’s just small and cramped and everyone is feeling cagey, I just admit it to God and thank Him for it, for the opportunity to serve And grow in Him. And then I commit to 20 minutes more of faithfulness, and before I know it, things aren’t so bad.
Rosanna says
What a great post! I can personally attest to the fact that contentment takes us a long way. I have lived in the same house for all our our 13 year marriage and it’s in a town, not the country like I’d like. I like, even love the house, but I haven’t really loved the location. A couple of years ago, I feel like God really began to work on me in the area of contentment. It’s amazing to me, that I now rarely even think about all the things I don’t like about my house and location because of the fact that I am just thankful.