In the last few months, my husband and I made some big decisions which involved stepping away from some responsibilities and commitments that I’d held for a few years.
These decisions were made with much thought, prayer, and outside counsel and we both know wholeheartedly that they were the right decisions. However, there has been some loud pushback from a few individuals and, as a result, earlier this week, I was feeling angst over it.
When I went to Jesse to talk about it, he asked me a really wise question: “Why do these comments bother you? Is it because you think we made wrong decisions or because you don’t want people to be disappointed in you?”
I knew the answer immediately. I am, at my core, a people pleaser and it stressed me out to hear people vocalize how they didn’t like the decisions we’ve made and wished we hadn’t made them.
He encouraged me to not let the seemingly loud voices of disapproval drown out the still, small voices of truth. Because chasing after pleasing people is always a pointless pursuit.
This year, one of my personal commitments is to spend more time listening to the still, small voices of truth and less time worrying what the masses think.
Kim says
It is always (ALWAYS) easier to listen to and believe the negative. I wish this wasn’t true, but it is one of life’s truths. However, it is so worth the effort to focus on the positive and know your own truth. Keep on rockin’, Crystal!
Rosanna Sauereisen says
I completely relate. I know that people pleasing is not helpful, but I struggle so deeply with it, anyway. I have begun to learn the art of saying “no,” but I often spend way too much agonizing over whether I have made the right decision. I absolutely hate to disappoint people. The funny thing is, I often don’t actually know if I’ve really disappointed them, but if I even think I might I have a really hard time with it.
Christine says
Go Jesse!!! He’s very wise.
Strange how people think they “know” you. Follow God’s plan–not man’s plan. Sounds like the naysayers need to be quiet and listen to their small voice.
Your identity if found through God. You are God’s chosen child as we all are. No one can change that. God makes you important. Not these message boards.
Sheila says
The decisions you make with your husband for your: Financial, family, mental, physical, and spiritual health are in the best interest of YOUR family. Who are we to judge? You have “many irons in the fire” and I believe you are due for a rest and a change of pace. I will be here no matter the frequency you post. And if you need months off – I will wait….
Valerie says
Amen and good for you!
Sarah McLaren says
Crystal I have read your stuff for a couple of years now after I fell upon it by chance on Pinterest. It always seems as though what you write about speaks personally to me which I guess is the sign of a good writer! You are blessed to have such a thoughtful husband and your readers are blessed that you are authentic and honest. Last year I started to really listen in the silence instead of rushing from one task to another and although I am still working on it it has changed my life for the better. You have enriched my life and I will continue to follow your work in what ever direction you take as you continue to grow. All the best for a peaceful 2016
Kelly S says
Nice hand-lettering! 😉
Susanne says
Thank you so much for this, Crystal! It came at just the right time for me!
Sarah @ The Teacher's Wife says
I struggle so much with that as well! Isn’t it so good that we have husband’s who help us get to the heart of it and are much more confident in their “No’s”? I don’t know why other people’s voices always seem to be louder than God’s voice. Being tuned in to His voice is something I am constantly working on!!
Kristen S. says
What wise words from your husband! Over the last couple of years, I’ve found that saying “no” when I need to has an interesting way of highlighting the people in my world who are healthy and those who aren’t. The healthy people who really care about me as a person support and encourage my no’s, (even if they’re disappointed) because they truly want what’s best for me. Healthy people are usually very good at setting boundaries themselves, and when they see others doing it, they recognize it as valuable and a sign of growth and maturity!
The people who get angry and upset when I say “no” are often not healthy themselves. They have another agenda for me and care more about what they get from me than really caring about me as a person. I hope and pray your year of rest is a time of real freedom and joy! I loved your 2016 goals and think they are perfect for this season of your life!
Crystal Paine says
What wise words! Thank you so much for sharing!
Kim says
Crystal, this is my first post, after following you for about 2 years. In fact, it is my first public post EVER. I bought your goal setting class even though I’m not 100% sure I have the time to commit to it. I bought because I know that even if I don’t use it, it is supporting you and it is the least that I can do for what you gave given to me. This is my favorite post of yours- it strikes at my heart because I can relate and I know this is my top priority for 2016. Thank you for doing what you doing and writing such inspirational content.
Crystal Paine says
Oh goodness! You are SO sweet! Thank you so much for your kind encouragement! This comment blessed me so much!
Amanda @ The Fundamental Home says
I read something else I thought you’d appreciate. “Frugality is about choosing the things you love enough to spend extravagantly on– and then cutting costs mercilessly on the things you don’t love.” I think this applies to your time, too. You just have to recognize the things you love enough to spend you time on, and cut mercilessly the things you don’t love. A verse I spent last year meditating on was Psalm 90:12 “So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom.” If we can appreciate how precious the moments in our life are, we can use them well. I suppose that is your exercise this year- using your moments well. No one else can tell you how to do that. Rest is an important part of life. Embrace it, and enjoy 2016!
Crystal Paine says
Thanks SO much for sharing!
Monica says
What awesome insight, Amanda. Thank you!
A wise friend once told me that if you make the wrong decision, make the decision right. I often think of this when I start to second guess myself. I can usually change the path if needed.
Susan says
Love this!
Darla says
Good for you. If there’s any way I can support that (an encouraging word, A prayer, etc. you name it, I’m on it). You have my email from my comment. Save it. You’ve done so much for me, I’d love to give back.
Keelie Reason says
So glad that you are making choices based off of what is best for your family instead of just trying to make everyone else happy. I know it is really hard to say that it doesn’t matter what other think, but it kind of doesn’t….depending no who they are.
Carol says
Dear Crystal: I just read your link to the 6/2014 article about the very difficult time you went through and triumphed over.
Have you read Anne Graham Lotz’s book Wounded by God’s People?
Below is a link to the author talking about her book
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rBvlfw0Gjus&sns=em
Crystal Paine says
I haven’t! Thanks so much for the recommendation!
Kim says
Your husband is really wise! You both make a great team together. I feel the same way. Over time, I am learning to say no and to say yes to the things I know I can commit to–not just the things that I know will please others. This year I need a clear mind, which I didn’t get last year. Too many pushy people, work demands, even family demands. This year will be about balance for me and a healthy one.
Patty says
Thank you for this! I’ve often struggled with choosing what’s better for me and my family or doing what I think others expect of me because I don’t want to let them down. As I’ve gotten older I’ve gotten better at not letting what others think affect my choices and decisions but it’s still not easy some days.
Carol says
Amen! Wise words, Crystal.
Charity says
Wise words. Great post!
Courtney says
Great post. The older I get, the less I care about pleasing other people. There is a sense of great freedom and happiness that comes from shedding that weight.
Darcy Hicks says
Good for you, Crystal! Listen to the still, small voice! Sounds like you all have sought counsel and are making the right decisions that you need to make. Hang in there. God Bless!
Sal says
Such an important message. Well done!!
My mantra: “Your opinion of me is none of my business”
Trina says
Love your mantra!!
Brenda says
That is very hard to do! I also care about what other people think and don’t want to disappoint them. Good luck with that goal!
Jeniece@OntheGoMommy says
This is a great example, Crystal. So encouraging to help make decisions based on what God’s plan is for our lives. Other people can’t put themselves in your shoes or anyone else’s for that matter. It’s hard to disappoint people, but if they are true friends and supporters then they will hopefully understand sooner than later. We have 5 kids! When I was pregnant with my twins, some family members didn’t understand why we couldn’t travel to visit and same for after they were born. Then we decided it was better for our family’s sake not to travel. Not an easy decision, but necessary. Great post and I pray your decisions become easier!
Leah says
“Why do these comments bother you? Is it because you think we made wrong decisions or because you don’t want people to be disappointed in you?”
Such wisdom in that question!
[email protected] says
I can be the same way, Crystal. Plus, I enjoy being with people so I miss the interaction when God directs me to give something up. My dh used to be the same voice of reason and now that he’s gone, I’ve had to seriously ask God to give me a spine. 🙂 The peace that comes from margin though is worth sticking to your decision!
Amy says
This is one of my favorite posts of yours. It’s something I plan to work on this year.
Lyn says
I think men are better at this naturally. They can make a decision and if someone else doesn’t like it tough.They don’t seem to spend time worrying about what other people think about their decisions for themselves and their own family.We women seem to have a much harder time with wanting everyone to like us. Also mentioned don’t seem to judge another man’s decision either. They are likely to think we’ll he made the decision he thought best for his own life and family even if it was a different one than they would have made. I think we women would do well to study that and try to be less judgmental of each other and support each other as women who love God and love their families and make the best decisions we can for our own lives.
Lyn says
Edits: mentioned should be men
we’ll should be well
I dislike autocorrect.
Kim H says
I just have to say THANK YOU !!! I have always followed you and i have met you a couple of times at the homeschool convention that my family attends each year. My husband and I are involved in so much !! Im like you Im a people pleaser . I say yes to things because I truly want to do it and I do enjoy the things we are involved in, but Im now drowning in everything and my family has had to pay the price. Im not as patient sometimes, I have put other things ahead of my family etc… I have been talking for awhile that something has to give, and my husband and I have decided what we need to give up. After reading your last few post it has made me think about what we are going through and that its ok to say NO and I dont have to do everything. The things we have decided on is letting go of a lot of activities that take away from family time and focus more on our relationship and our children. It feels good , its like a relief . So thank you for opening up !! I hope you have a wonderful New Year .
Rita says
Great truth;)