Dear Frugal Gal Who is Married to a Spender Husband…

Dear Frugal Gal Who is Married to a Spender Husband

Dear Frugal Gal Who is Married to a Spender Husband,

Oh, how I get you. Because, you see, I am you!

When my husband and I got married, I totally had no clue that people could truly find fulfillment in spending money. Yup, it was a recipe for complete success and harmony in our marriage. Ahem.

I knew he liked to buy brand names. I knew he liked nice things. But I figured that I could help him see how it was so much better to shop at thrift stores and get bargains.

So I went into marriage all prepared to fix my husband. Because, in my incredibly humble opinion (not!), that boy needed a lot of fixing.

I was going to help him understand how we could save so much money if he would just come over to my frugal side. I was going take those extravagant blinders off his eyes and help him see the frugal light.

It shouldn’t take much work, I was sure. Yes, you could say I was a wee bit naive. ;)

Then we got married. And I set to work fixing him.

For the first few years, we were so poor that there wasn’t any money to spend on anything but necessities. So I really thought all my “sermons” and words of wisdom had cured his “extravagant” appetite.

A few years into our marriage, with law school behind us and a blog that was quickly growing, our income began steadily increased and my fantasy ideas of how I had fixed my husband were all shattered by reality.

The reality was this: I had married a guy who liked to spend money.

I was aghast! I loved this man, but how on earth could he find fulfillment from spending money?!? My frugal self just couldn’t fathom it!

I had tried fixing and that didn’t work. So then I tried criticizing. And, as you can imagine, that was a complete flop.

I was stubborn and frustrated. However, I loved this man. I really did. And I didn’t want to live life feeling constant tension over money.

So, I humbled myself and started asking questions trying to determine what Jesse’s heart really was. And little bit by little bit, I realized that he wasn’t trying to be extravagant or ruthless; he just enjoyed spending money. It was the way he was wired.

Just like I was wired to enjoy saving money (and he had trouble understanding my frugal nature!), he was wired to enjoy spending money. There was nothing wrong with him. He just had a different personality than me.

I have slowly come to really appreciate him for how different he is than me. Without him in our family, I’d probably be a miser. He’s helped me realize that there is more to life than always doing everything possible to get everything at the rock bottom price.

He’s also helped me to realize that breathing room in our budget can allow us to enjoy some memory-making experiences — like taking the kids out for a special outing or enjoying a date night together at a fun restaurant. Without him in our family, we’d probably have a lot less fun at our house.

I’ve also learned that sometimes, it truly does pay to spend more for a nicer brand. Yes, really. Not always, but sometimes. :)

And, most importantly, he’s helped me learn the joy that comes from generosity. I love watching how much he loves to give and how he is always going out of his way to give to others. Seeing his heart for giving inspires me to live with arms even more outstretched.

The beautiful thing is, Jesse has also learned a lot about me and has come to appreciate my frugal nature — even if he doesn’t always understand it. He thanks me often for how I help our family save money and stick with a budget.

As my attitude changed, it’s made him a lot more open to making compromises for the health of our family’s finances. He’s learned to look for great deals on things he needs to purchase, he’s waited to buy items he wants until we could afford them in our budget, and he’s talked himself out of many purchases because he knew that it wasn’t a wise use of our money.

Dear Frugal Gal Who Is Married to a Spender Husband

We still have moments when there is tension or disagreements when it comes to money, but I’ve learned 4 strategies that have helped bring a lot more harmony to me as a saver who is married to a spender:

1) Nagging Doesn’t Work

If you want to ruin your relationship, start trying to nag and drag your spouse along with your latest and greatest ideas. It’s a recipe for disaster — and discord.

2) It Has To Be an Us Thing, Not a Me Thing

There is no “I” in team. If you want to successfully get on the same page, it has to be a game plan you come up with together.

Don’t expect your spouse to jump on board with you. Instead, ask your spouse if you can sit down together and talk about where you both are financially and where you both want to go together.

3) Compromise Is Key

When you sit down to discuss your finances, come with an open mind. Don’t have everything all mapped out and badger your spouse into signing off on your plan.

Share your concerns in a gentle manner and then listen to your spouse’s thoughts and concerns. If they see that you genuinely want to work with them and want to hear their heart on the matter, they are going to be much more apt to join you in the journey. But they will likely resist from the get-go if you don’t seem to care about their desires and or have any willingness to compromise.

4) Give Grace — And Some Breathing Room!

Because of our different personalities and natures, we’ve found a beautiful compromise in an agreed-upon Blow Category in our budget. We each get an allotted amount of money that we can spend on whatever we’d like, whenever we’d like. This set-up has worked well for us and prevented many unnecessary arguments over money.

When we both accept our differences, agree to compromise, set goals for our family together, and give each other grace, we have so much more unity. And this unity propels us to both be working together to wisely steward our money — instead of constantly fighting and bickering over stuff that really isn’t going to matter too much in 25 years from now.

These four strategies won’t completely remove any money fights or misunderstandings, but I truly believe that they will help improve your communication and oneness in your marriage. And when there’s more communication and oneness in finances, it usually will have a trickle down effect and improve many other areas of marriage.

So hang in there! Start taking baby steps forward and hopefully your effort to better understand and get on the same page with your husband will result in some of the same rewarding results that it has for us in our marriage!

Don’t give up! I’m cheering for you…

Crystal

P.S. For more suggestions, check out my post on How Can We Improve Communication About Finances In Marriage?

photo credit #1; photo credit #2

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Cents of Style: Knit Poncho for $19.97 shipped!

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Cents of Style is offering my readers an exclusive deal on their Knit Ponchos this week only. Get one for just $19.97 when you use the coupon code MSMPONCHO at checkout.

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These Knit Ponchos are 100% acrylic and come in off white or brown. They are 32″ long and feature a 5″ fringe with diamond detailing.

Cents of Style Knit Poncho

Cents of Style insisted that they send me a Knit Poncho to try out. Since I’m pretty straight forward and tell-it-like-it-is, I told them I doubted I would like it but that they could send me one if they really, really wanted to.

Well, I totally surprised myself because I love it! It’s SO warm and comfy and perfect for all the cold weather we’ve been having. Now I understand why people love ponchos so much!

Use the coupon code MSMPONCHO at checkout to get a Knit Poncho for $19.97. As always, shipping is free.

This is is valid now through November 23, 2014, or while supplies last.

(Note: The links in this post are affiliate links. Read our disclosure policy here.)
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DaySpring: Peanuts Story of Christmas Advent Calendar for $11.99 (regularly $39.99!)

DaySpring Early Black Friday Specials

DaySpring has added eight more products to their Early Black Friday Markdown Specials. Here are the great deals available:

Jesus is the Gift Metal Tray 
Regular Price: $14.99
Markdown Price: $5.99 — 60% off 

For I Know the Plans I Have for You – Scripture Bangle 
Regular Price: $44.99
Markdown Price: $19.99 — 56% off 

God’s Heart for You- Rhodium Plated Necklace 
Regular Price: $34.99
Markdown Price: $14.99 — 57% off

Jesus Loves Me- Pink Elephant Plush 
Regular Price: $23.00
Markdown Price: $7.99 — 65% off 

Wooden Chalkboard Cross 
Regular Price: $21.99
Markdown Price: $6.99 — 68% off 

Redeemed Blessed Wooden Plaque 
Regular Price: $12.99
Markdown Price: $4.99 — 62% off 

Daily Grace- Blessed & Thankful- Small Vase 
Regular Price: $25.00
Markdown Price: $9.99 — 60% off

Inspirational Message Block Set 
Regular Price: $49.99
Markdown Price: $19.99 — 60% off

More items will be added to DaySpring’s Early Black Friday Markdown Sale each day, so check back often to see what’s new!

(Note: The links in this post are affiliate links. Read our disclosure policy here.)
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HUGE List of FREE Homeschool Curriculum & Resources

Free Homeschool Curriculum & Resources on MoneySavingMom.com

 

This is the weekly list of Free Homeschool Curriculum and Resources compiled by Jamerrill from FreeHomeschoolDeals.com. If you aren’t a homeschooler, but you’re a parent, teacher, babysitter, or nanny, you’ll probably find at least a few useful freebies in this list. You may also want to go through the Educational Deals and Freebies from earlier this week for more.

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This freebie list is full of fun learning activities! We are filled to the brim this week with excellent educational resources as well as holiday fun. Do you know When to Consider Using Textbooks in Your Homeschool? Judy shares quite a few great tips, and some excellent considerations, to help you with that decision.

Holiday Planning and Fun

(see other categories for more Holiday goodies)

Kick off this holiday season with 50 FREE Thanksgiving Activities! Keep the Thanksgiving celebration going with this FREE Printable Color by Number Cornucopia, these FREE Thanksgiving Printables for Learning, a Thanksgiving Cornucopia Freebie, or these FREE Thanksgiving Themed Printables.

Then jump into Christmas with these fun Free Printable Advent Activities and a FREE Story of Christmas Activity Book.

Bible

Teach your child who created the universe with this FREE Bible Lesson: Why Did God Make all Things? Then, you can work on learning the books of the Bible with these FREE Trace and Copy Books of the Bible.

Here is a FREE Thanksgiving Hymn Puzzle Hunt to help your child focus on why we are thankful this season. And you can use these FREE Printable Thanksgiving Scripture Place Cards on your table, or to help your children focus on thankfulness verses in the word.

This Free Biblical Home Education eBook is a great resource to refocus your homeschool life as well as encourage you in your homeschool journey.

Math

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Most children need lots of extra practice with skip counting. Provide that practice with these FREE Pilgrim Math Skip Counting Printables and FREE Skip Counting Wall Cards.

Now your child will have a fun holiday-inspired way to practice numbers with this FREE Instant Download: Nativity Number Writing Printables. And, you don’t want to miss this FREE Thanksgiving Math Literacy Pack!

Free Nativity Number WritingPre-K through K

Preschool is such a great time to jump into Thanksgiving fun! You can use this FREE Thanksgiving Pre-K Fun Pack or this FREE Thanksgiving Pre-K through K Pack as a springboard for learning, in addition to lots of fun, hands on fun with these FREE Pumpkin Themed Tot School Activities.

Here are super cute FREE Thanksgiving Counting Cards to practice math in a festive way, while these FREE Christmas Alphabet Printables get you started on the alphabet.

Writing, Spelling, Copywork, and Notebooking

Copywork is so beneficial. With this Free Christmas Carols Copywork Book your child will study the carols, as well as practice handwriting and spelling.

Keep a record of this Thanksgiving with these Free Thanksgiving Notebooking Pages. While they are writing, here are some great writing prompts:

Random Homeschool Goodness

This Free Raggedy Ann Resource Pack includes chore charts, planning printables, and more. Use this Relaxed Homeschooling Planner to plan the rest of your school year.

Science & Magic School Bus

capHave you ever considered Using Magic School Bus Science Kits in Your Homeschool? If you are ready to give it a try, here is a great FREE Magic School Bus Unit Study Resources for Homeschoolers to get you started!

Magic School Bus Unit StudyHistory/ Geography

If you are studying the continents, here is a FREE Map Travelers: South America {limited time!} freebie. Then use this FREE DIY Travel Journal for Kids to continue learning about the rest of the world, and record your studies.

Reading

Here is a huge list of FREE Mark Twain Printables and Resources from Homeschool Giveaways.

Practice reading with your elementary student using these FREE 3rd Grade Sight Word Sentences.

FREE The Complete Magic School Bus Reading List

Here is The Complete Magic School Bus Reading List for FREE (+ Free Download!).

Click here thousands of homeschool freebies!

*Don’t forget! If you are looking for additional free homeschool resources please check the huge growing list of free homeschool curriculum and resourceson MoneySavingMom.com!

Jamerrill is the homeschooling mother of a large and growing family. After seasons of spending $50 or less annually to homeschool her children, she started Free Homeschool Deals in 2012 to help all families afford the homeschool life. You can follow the homeschool goodness on Pinterest and Facebook.

Copyright: paha_l / 123RF Stock Photo

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Printacular: Download the Free App and Get 10 Free Photo Prints (free pick-up at Walgreens)

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There’s a great new app for iOS, Android, Windows Phone, Blackberry, and even your Kindle Fire called Printacular. Download it here to day and then get 10 Free Photo Prints at your local Walgreens.

With Printacular, you can send all your photos from Facebook, Flickr, Instagram, and more to print at your local Walgreens in a snap.

*Note that your code will be emailed and your entire order must consist of 10 images and they must ALL be sized 4×4 or 4×6. Pick-up from Walgreens option only is available for the 10 free prints promotion.

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