Welcome to my weekly Sunday post where we take a break from money-related posts and I share about what I’m loving right now and give you a little peek into our life from the past week.
What I’m Reading
I am almost finished with listening to the Lilac Girls audiobook and have really loved it. I think the fact that it is so well narrated has made it such a good listen. It’s a really compelling, tragic, and gripping story of the horrors of concentration camps.
(Note: I almost stopped listening to it because there was some edge-y stuff in the first part and I was afraid it was going to get worse as progressed. But it ended up getting quite a bit better as it progressed. Do note that it it is very much PG-13 and I would only recommend listening to it with headphones in if you have kids at your house!)
I also started reading Different by Sally & Nathan Clarkson — at the raving recommendation of many of you.
What I’m Celebrating
At the beginning of this year, I made the commitment to develop the habit of compartmentalizing work and family more and to be completely offline for at least 5 hours every day.
You guys, I can’t even begin to tell you what a difference this has made! I’m able to be so much more fully present with work during work hours and with my family during my offline hours.
The other night, I was sitting on the couch while Kaitlynn spent 45 minutes playing with my hair (something she loves to do) and Silas was sitting beside me at my feet and we were just together. With no agenda. With no to do list. And I didn’t have a laptop or a phone — or even a book! I was just there… fully present soaking up the everyday-ness of our ordinary, but beautiful life.
Me being completely offline for a big block of time every day means I say “Hurry up!” a lot less. It means I can fully engage with my family without constantly checking the time. It means that — more and more — this slower, relaxed just being together with no agenda thing that used to be so foreign to me is becoming the norm.
Here’s the interesting thing: I thought that working more hours = getting more done. In reality, I’m learning that working fewer hours means I’m a lot more productive, focused, and efficient during those hours. And I’m getting a lot better at prioritizing what is really important and what can just be skipped or saved to do later.
What I’m Trying
I told you last week how I was trying to assign specific chores to specific days of the week. I’m super excited about my new Home Management Binder that I’ve been working on for the past two weeks, inspired by the Home Management How To Course.
Each day of the week is assigned a specific chore/task area and then I put together lists for that chore area. I’m also putting a sticky note on each page for me to add other ideas/tasks for that area that I think of throughout the week.
I’ve been gently easing into this system for the past week — despite initially thinking it would never work for us! — and I’ve been shocked at the difference it is making and how well it is working!
You can watch my video here where I explain about the binder in greater detail and share how I’m using it to keep our home and life in better order
What I’m Watching
We watched the latest episode of Designated Survivor this week and we’re continuing to really enjoy this show!
We’re also watching a lot of basketball around here as we cheer on our favorite teams in the NCAA tournament. We all filled out brackets this year, and so we’re all a lot more invested in who wins! 🙂
Unfortunately, I picked Villanova to win the championship on my bracket… so, as Silas told me yesterday, my bracket is busted! 😉 {And if you want to read a funny story about me and how I have a lot to learn when it comes to being a sports moms, go here to read my Instagram post.}
But regardless of the fact that my bracket picks weren’t that great, I’m loving getting to share this with Silas and to be excited with him about something he’s really excited about!
What I’m Learning
For years, I was a huge proponent of the whole “Get up before your kids get up so you can start the day with some quiet.” I wrote blog posts about it. I talked about it in my book. I spoke about it at conferences. And I practiced it religiously.
I still think it can be a great practice — especially for homeschooling moms and moms with babies and toddlers. However, it’s a practice I’ve almost completely given up this year. Which might surprise and shock some of you. But it’s been such a good change for our current season.
You see, I’m making sleep more of a priority and sleeping in until 6:30 or 7 am most mornings. Plus, our kids need to be up by 7 am to be out the door to school by 7:50 am 4 mornings a week.
It wasn’t working for me to get enough sleep, get up and get some quiet, and get the kids out the door by 7:50 am.
So instead of trying for all three things, I changed my approach and made my new mantra: “Get up and devote the first hour of the day to my kids.”
You know how much I love this first hour of the day now? It’s when I get to really talk with my kids, help them with whatever they need help with, make sure they have their lunches packed, help the girls with their hair, sit and snuggle with a child who needs a little extra TLC, and just be fully present and available for the kids.
It allows the mornings to be calm, non-stressed, non-rushed, and often is when I have some of the best conversations with the kids. I love starting the day with making sure their love tanks are filled up — and I’m pretty sure it means that their day starts on a good foot, too!
And yes, I still get in some quiet time — it just doesn’t happen first thing in the morning anymore. And I’m okay with that!
What I’m Pondering
Recently, I’ve noticed many comments from women who are feeling weighed down with guilt that they just aren’t doing a good enough job at life.
That they should do more, get up earlier, be more disciplined, or just plain “get it together”. I can guarantee you this: if you think another woman has unlocked the secret to a perfectly happy life with no issues or struggles or failures, you are believing a lie.
Because we all have our areas we struggle in.
For instance, those of you who have said you wished you could be more like me. Well, here’s some reality for you…
I had a heated argument with my husband earlier this week that took 24 hours to resolve. And it was started by me about something utterly ridiculous. (#wifefail)
I forgot to feed my son before his baseball game on Thursday. Yes, as in, it didn’t hit me that he hadn’t eaten until we were in the car, on the way to the game — and we were running late. Jesse had to go pick up food during the game and have him eat while he had a chance in the dugout. (#momfail)
And one of my dear friends texted me really, really upset about a situation on Wednesday afternoon and I didn’t get a chance to text her back until Thursday night. (#friendfail)
And those are just a few situations from this week.
You guys. I don’t have my act all together here. And neither does anyone else.
So let’s stop comparing ourselves to impossible fantasies we’ve created in our heads about the perfect lives of other women
Comparison will steal your momentum, kill your contentment, and strangle your joy.
Embrace your strengths. Accept your weaknesses. Celebrate your successes. Give yourself grace when you fail. And, for Pete’s sake, stop beating yourself up for stuff. It’s really okay to go against the grain or be different or make choices that maybe other people don’t get.
Do what is best for you and your own family — and don’t ever feel like you need to apologize for it!
In Case You Missed It
My posts from this past week:
- Hard-Boiled Eggs in the Instant Pot
- When It Feels Like You’ll Never Get Out of Debt
- 5 Ways You Can Make a Difference — Even on a Budget
My YouTube video from this past week:
Congratulations to Donna who won the stack of books I gave away last week. You should have received an email from me with details on claiming your prize.
Tonya says
I sooooo needed this! Thanks for sharing!
Corrie says
Everyone in my family filled out our brackets this year, and it’s been super fun to watch the tournament that way. My husband and older son also picked Villanova to win, so they’re brackets are busted too!
Lim May Chin says
I feel so encouraged reading this post! You are so real and sharing your #fails (wife, mother, friendfails) means I am not alone and our journeys are similar and that’s encouraging and an energy booster!!
Crystal Paine says
I’m SO glad that it encouraged you!!
Naomi says
I just took a deep breath when I read this article from you. Your honesty is what keeps me coming back to your website. I needed to hear that we all fail at some point and it is ok to fail. Failing makes us better wives, parents, and friends!
Janice says
Your “what I’m pondering” section reminded me of this video, it’s eerily similar to our lives in so many ways, but SO encouraging!! Watch it if you need a lift 🙂
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=3n-DOKBffuU
Dawn says
Crystal, I read this tonight on your post. I just want you to know that it is EXACTLY what I needed to hear. I have a renewed hope for our homeschool year. Thank you so very much. Also, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE your “Choose JOY” under your mantle. Hugs of JOY!
Jennifer says
Love your encouraging voice and real life confessions. I admit, the internet makes me feel like a failure with 1000 articles about getting up sooooooooo early. But I’ve actually taken steps (Red and Honey’s 21 Day Challenge) to go to bed early this month PLUS allowing myself to continue sleeping until my normal “late” time…and you know, I think it’s really giving my body a chance to heal, from what I don’t know- life probably. So next week, I think I might actually log into a certain “Make over Your Morning” course that I bought, oh, a year ago. 😛 😀 (And with my well rested, organized mornings, I could read that lovely stack of books I see in your photo!)
NMhollyhocks says
Lol, Crystal, that was just annoying (for about three seconds)! I mean, I just read something where you were telling me that getting up early was one of the five keys to life. Or three. I forget.
WELL nevermind. Good to know I’m not the only one. Is it happening to more and more people these days that they honestly cannot keep a routine in life? When I was a kid, I remember most days running very much the same way. But in my life now, it is constantly shifting. —There are reasons for this in my life. I have eight kids, and we run our own business, and we are currently remodeling our kitchen and bathroom in our new old home. So four, no five of the kids are currently living in our office with me to keep them out of the way. (I am actually not kidding). Umm. I am hoping this time shall pass in not too long, but I am getting used to the ever-shifting chaos I call our life. It seriously takes a lot to throw me these days.
But I do wonder, if some of this is just happening to everyone. When your kids (even with a smaller number of them) have sports, and those sports are invading your weekends… and then there are music lessons or other extracurriculars… and birthday parties… and what about our parents… and then not many of us mamas get to just stay home (and work on home and family) anymore… Are real routines that last more than six weeks or a few months becoming a thing of the past?
Marie says
Thanks Crystal!
i used your quote, “Comparison will steal your momentum, kill your contentment, and strangle your joy,” today with the group i was counseling today! It is amazing how long of a discussion about how ‘ not good enough ‘ anyone felt & what reactions this has led to. You got a huge societal issue right on the head.?
Mandy says
I work from home as a virtual assistant and online marketer, and I am really trying to compartmentalize my work/family time better too! I balance several clients, so having a set-in-stone schedule doesn’t always work for me. I have noticed that when I completely unplug, even for a few hours a day, it really does help the quality of our family time! Like you shared, it makes those everyday moments more meaningful. I sat on the deck with my son last night and just gazed at the stars, fully aware of how purposeful I must continue to be to make moments like that happen. They can just slip away as I work, work, work if I am not intentional about putting the laptop down.
Vanessa says
Thank you so much for writing. I’ve been sleeping “in” with my kids for most of their lives. I got sick after my first daughter was born and though I love waking up early, I was not getting enough sleep. And then both my kids are waking up at night still. It is so encouraging hearing how you continue to adjust and reevaluate and I am so glad you are taking care of yourself, too! You are an awesome lady and I am thankful for you!
Lisa Manning says
God’s timing is so great! This post spoke to me in so many ways. I just finished reading the book “Deep Work” yesterday. He talks about the premise of setting boundaries on social media and set hours of work. Go “Deep” when you are working without the distractions and you will get more done in less time. Then, I open this email to confirm this. Think God might be speaking???
Thank you so much for your transparency!! I have those #momfail, #wifefail, #friendfail moments and while I don’t wish them on anyone, it is good to know I am in the same boat with others. Although, I have to admit, when I saw that book stack, my first thought is that you were superwoman! 🙂 Blessings to you!
Ashley says
I love that you talked about changing your practice of waking up early. Even though I’m still trying to *start* waking up early enough to read my Bible/move my body/shower/get ready before my kid wakes up. But he’s not quite 3 and I’ll be a SAHM in a few months. And you’re in a totally different season of your life. And it’s really nice to acknowledge that things will change and that’s ok.
Julie says
Thank you so much for this post! I have never been able to make myself be a morning person, and have always felt a little less successful because of it. The irony is that this year my husband (who is also not a morning person) and I have decided that due to a rather complicated situation with my son, the best thing for him would be to get up with him really early so he can do all his school homework in the morning. It has been HARD, but it is the right decision, for now. Thank goodness life has its seasons, because when there are hard sacrifices to make, we know that it won’t be forever. I can’t wait for summer, when I can sleep in again!
Tammy C says
Cool that you are into the NCAA Tournament.I didn’t fill one out this year but have watching since Eastern Tennessee State University played on Thursday but lost.We live 1.3 miles from ETSU so we were excited to see a local school playing.Sad that URI lost to Oregon but UNC is still alive.
Mitzi says
I enjoyed reading stargirl with my 12 year old last year! Easy read!
Crystal Paine says
Thanks so much for sharing!
Antonella says
I love this kind of posts from you! You always give me so much to ponder and reflect upon. Thank you for all you’ve been sharing with us in all this years.
Could I please ask you to pray for me? I’ve been trying to conceive for years and it’s such a difficult season…
hugs
Antonella
Crystal Paine says
Thanks so much for your encouragement. And yes, I will pray for you. I’m so sorry you’ve been going through that for so long. {Hugs!}
Roberta says
I SO needed those last two sentences this morning. Thanks!
Crystal Paine says
You’re so welcome!
Heather @Simple Faith and Family says
this was a great post…..
we put WAY too much pressure on ourselves to DO so much! I have lived so much of my life feeling like I will NEVER measure up and that my life is not “GREAT” (as in accomplishing big things). YUCK.
I’m in a much better place now, but not where I need to be. I recently read this article (http://www.remnantresource.org/the-power-of-an-ordinary-life/) and was so blessed by it I have read it several times over. One of my favorite parts of the article:
“we are set free to aim for faithfulness instead of success. The desire to be “great” is thus replaced with the desire to greatly please the God who loved you and gave himself up for you on the cross. Second, we come to see that our aspirations of ‘changing the world’ or ‘doing something great’ may have been a way of avoiding the more difficult work of honoring God and enriching the lives of others through the daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly routines of life—which is where lasting change most often happens.”
Thank you for your openness and honesty about your REAL life…. I have often compared myself to you and all the BIG GREAT things that you have done with your life…. it is so encouraging to read posts like this! I appreciate you and your sharing!
Crystal Paine says
You are so welcome! And thank you for sharing!
Mrs. Daisy @ Dirt Road Daisy says
Hi Crystal, I really look forward to reading your posts every Sunday!
“Comparison will steal your momentum, kill your contentment, and strangle your joy.” This really resonated with me. For a while, I was in a slump and I just couldn’t figure out why or what it was. At first, I attributed it to being a full time working mom. We were out of the house from 6am-5pm leaving us 3 precious hours to spend time with each other and our little one, make dinner, bathe, and do all of the other exciting and trendy things I saw my friends and “friends” on social media doing. And then it hit me that I was playing the comparison game because my house wasn’t as clean or well decorated, I wasn’t baking from scratch 3 course meals, I (gasp!) fed my family processed foods a few times each week…and so on. In a drastic effort to change the direction I was going, I completely and 100% deleted ALL personal social media. This was in September 2016 and I haven’t looked back. My quality of life with social media has skyrocketed and I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything. It has made me work a little harder with my friendships which is such a good thing in my mind! Sorry for the long comment!
Beth says
I love this idea of deleting the personal social media. I keep thinking I should just unplug from Facebook, but then I think that I would miss out on deals, blog articles, and a couple of FB groups that I benefit from. This might just be the push I needed to just delete my friends and move on! Thanks!
Crystal Paine says
I deleted everyone a few years ago and only kept an account so I could have the Facebook page and follow a few blogs. It was SO good and I kept it that way for a few years! I now am friends with a few people — but only basically people who are related to me or who work on my team. 🙂
Beth says
Yeah, that’s a good point–I should probably keep my family members as FB friends too. I’m so excited!! Thanks!
Elizabeth Estelle says
It is so easy to compare ourselves to that mysterious family that “has it all together.” Maybe it is because we want someone to be doing well! But because of the the shared “human-ness” of all our experiences, we are able to encourage one another. What a blessing!
Claire says
It’s really helpful to hear from a huge early-morning proponent that it’s okay to sleep a bit later in certain seasons of life. I have a 9 year old, and through the years I have learned that my day goes much better if I at least shower/dress/do make-up, eat a small breakfast, and spend a few minutes to myself (checking email or whatever) before he gets up. He sleeps till at least 7:15, so I learned that if I get up at 5 am, I have time for all of the above and so much more, including a work-out, starting laundry, emptying the dishwasher, reading the Bible, etc. However, recently I’ve seen the value of foregoing some of these activities in favor of sleeping till 6 am a few days each week, especially on the days when I’m not planning to do a workout. As long as I do the shower/dress/make-up thing and a few minutes to myself, the other activities can wait till later. They still get done, and I still have a good day, maybe even a better day because I got more sleep. I’m blessed because I work a school-based job just 4.5 hours/day on school days, so I have flexibility to catch up with household tasks before dinner. If I worked a 40-hour/week year round job, I would probably stick with my daily 5 am wakeup time in order to get the housework done. But for this season of life, I realized it isn’t necessary to get up that early every day of the week.
Crystal Paine says
It’s so good that you’ve figured out what works best in this season! I love that!
Aimee Hadden says
I’m still in the season where it helps for me to wake early (before the kids – ages 6,4, and 2 are awake) but it’s nice to see someone a few steps ahead and know that waking super early won’t always be necessary. 🙂 It’s always interesting to see how quickly life changes and know that the dynamic of our family will be different in a few short years.
Crystal Paine says
Yes! It’s amazing how it can change in different seasons!
Debbie B. says
I think it’s great that you recognized that in this season, waking up earlier and sacrificing sleep wasn’t working! Life is all about adjusting to the changes. I love the morning time I get to myself but it hasn’t happened for months due to pregnancy and chasing after two older children (and starting homeschool with the eldest). Workouts have taken a backseat too. But I’m finally learning that this is the season I’m in, embrace it, and recognize that 6 months down the road things will change again! Thanks for sharing so honestly with us!
Crystal Paine says
YES! 100% yes!
Alex Guglielmo says
Thank you for expressing that it’s okay to change your mind (in this case, about the time you wake up in the morning), even though you’ve made the case for something else previously. I think I sometimes feel like a flake or a flip-flopper when I get really excited about something (clipping coupons from my four newspapers per week) and tell about bunch of people about it but then stop doing it (it’s all about the rebate apps, if I use coupons at all now!). But it’s okay, because this is a different season in my life. It just goes to show me that I should have been gentler about judging others for NOT couponing when they weren’t in that same season at the time. It’s a reminder that I should be careful about speaking dogmatically about something, because who knows when my season will change and I’ll do the opposite of what I’ve promoted doing for years?! I’m glad I’m not the only one who does this, and it’s just a reminder to be gracious when people do things differently than I do, because I may just adopt their ways someday 🙂
Crystal Paine says
YES! So true!!
Sarah says
I love that you spend so much time offline each day! You’ve actually inspired me to do the same and as of a few days ago, I turn off my computer every afternoon once my little ones are home from preschool. This makes it so I give them my complete, undivided attention without worrying about emails, blogging and social media. And you’re right – the difference it’s made in our days and relationships is amazing, and it’s only been four days for me!!
Thanks for the encouragement!! Happy Sunday! 🙂
Crystal Paine says
Oh yay!!! This makes me SO happy!!
Cheryl says
Hi Crystal, great post! I feel it so important that moms today just me the mom they are meant to be and comfortable being. Don’t try to be someone/something you are not comfortable being. Each season of life is different, especially with parenting and its important to do what is best in your unique situation. Our moms did not stress about how they did things, they just did what they did. Ask God for strength each day, and be happy with how you are!
Crystal Paine says
Yes! So true! Thank you for sharing!
Alicia says
I SO agree with this!! I definitely think this new “online” world we are in gives us so much more opportunity to continuously compare ourselves to others and feel like we aren’t enough. But thats not true! I always think about the fact that our parents and grandparents just did life. They didn’t worry about doing it “right”, they just lived their life and did the best they could.