I’m discovering that a lot of this anxiety is related to my intense and unhealthy desire to be in control of all the things in my life.
I want to have all my ducks in a row, I want to always have a really good plan in place, I don’t want there to be unknowns, and I don’t like to feel like things aren’t orderly and neat and well prepared.
In an effort to break free from some of these lifelong control issues, I’ve not only been doing a lot of praying and soul-searching, but I’ve also been challenging myself to stop trying to live life in such a safe, controlled, orderly, and risk-free manner.
My nature is to want to re-do things over and over again until I get it exactly how I want it, but I’m challenging myself to just write it out once and be okay with it not being anywhere near “perfect.”
Going forward, I want to live all of my life in the freedom and joy that comes from knowing that, ultimately, I’m not in control of anything. Instead of trying to micromanage my life and stressing out that it’s not working, I want to rest in the God of the Universe… the One Who knows the end from the beginning, Who loves me with an everlasting love, and Whose plans for my life are far better than any I could ever dream up or imagine.