Yesterday, a friend came to me and shared with me that one of my kids had done something really wrong. What’s more, it was something I was sure they knew was very wrong.
I felt sick and upset that they would do it anyway. They didn’t have self-control. That I couldn’t trust them when I wasn’t with them.
Jesse and I had an opportunity in that moment: to be frustrated and lash out at this child. Or to love them through this, listen to their heart, and gently talk about the consequences to their actions.
With Jesse’s encouragement, we chose the latter… And ended up having a really beautiful and honest conversation that knit our hearts closer together.
Parenting is hard, hard work. There are many discouraging moments and days. There are many times when I feel so ill-equipped, when I wonder if my kids are going to have to go through years of counseling to undo the mistakes I’ve made (because, trust me, there are plenty of times when a situation like the above hasn’t ended with gentle words.)
But then I look into their eyes and I’m reminded that God has uniquely gifted and equipped us to parent these children. He’s given us these children. And even though we love them more than anyone else in the world, He loves them even more.
He wants me to look to Him in those overwhelming parenting moments. I don’t always have what it takes, but He is enough.
He is Wisdom. He is Truth. He is Love. And He will supply everything I need to be the mom He has called me to be.
Today, I’m going to rest in that and cling to that.
Randi says
Its 230a.m… I’m browsing online device monitoring apps, looking at recently played music lists that my oldest kid listened to using my phone today and am shocked by the lyrics, praying about a difficult situation I am in as a mom as I face my first major bump in the rd after some events this past week that make me feel ill equipped, out of control, and completely overwhelmed as a mom of 4 girls as our oldest, most trusted, responsible one with the most freedom is crushing all that trust by making reality poor choices and I’m at a loss. I needed to read your post at this late hr and be reminded that God has given me this child, these kids, and has equipped my husband and I to raise them…even though at this very first hurdle I’m already wanting to give up and scream out of fear or frustration or feeling of total overwhelm. I really need wisdom and a reminder that He loves them more than we do.. and He’ll get us through the trials. Parenting is touuuuuugh.
Angela says
We are currently waking thru something with our oldest who is 6 weeks away from going away to college and 2 months from being 18. The issues are not only morally wrong, but things they know go against everything we have taught them and believe in. These things have rocked us to the core as parents causing us to question our job as their parent. We do know that each child mashes their own decisions ave we can’t be responsible for their life decisions, yet it is still difficult to walk this season.
Abigail says
Parenting is not easy. I agree with lots of love and guidance and top it with a lot of prayers.
I also believe in what the bible says that we should start training them (word of God) so they wont depart or go the wrong way.
When my kids are little I care for them and nurture them and watch them like a hawk.They never leave our sight. I let them grow in a Christian environment. Learning the bible,they go to chapel in school and going to church every Sunday and bible school.( that’s how I grow up and I did not turn out bad at all) :-).I am instilling good values in them hopefully later in their life they can use.
Now they are getting big ( middle school not quite high school yet) and they are quite a bit independent .Sometimes I wonder if this is enough.
When I see 20 ++years old overdose with drugs or alcohol barely hanging in their life with their parents at the bedside crying.
At times its too late to get them back . And this situation I see it everyday in the hospital.And It is becoming epidemic.
Im just wondering if anything is being done with this or the family just suffer in silence.
They sent them to “Rehab ” but then the system does not totally help them.
Sometimes I wonder what could have lead them to this situation.My heart goes to both parents and their child.
…. and what can mother like us do????
My children are still young but I am already thinking how to equipped them and be ready ……. God Bless!
Kellian Groves says
Thanks for this. Sometimes you feel like you’re the only one – the worst one even – I found myself saying that very prayer just this week, “Lord please don’t let me screw up her life”. I had that utter realisation that parenting is really hard and wondered if it was only for a select few. But then came the sweet moment when they make you smile and you realise it truly is a gift. So we just have to trust God, as you said. What else are we going to do?
P.S. I’m not a mom, but an aunt
Wendy Briscoe says
You are not alone. It has been a rough week at our house. My child acted improperly in a public setting and I was mortified. He is old enough (7) to control his actions and words, but chose not to. I had to go home with him, and have a serious discussion about how to behave in public, then write a private messege to the worker at the place we were at and tell them I was sorry. I was mortified.
It reminds me we are not perfect. All of us have bad days, and make poor decisions. What I have to do is head off some of these things. Was my child hungry before the event. feed him before going out, was he tired? Choose to stay home instead. Teaching a 7 year old how to handle disappointment properly is they key. “You know what, son, things weren’t what you thought they were going to be today, but next time they might be BETTER than you thought.” Important life lesson taught. We don’t always get our expectations met!
My son is a very concrete thinker. Stop is stop and go is go. There is no inbetween. If they say this is what’s going to happen then that’s what should happen. Teaching a child about wiggle room, and grace and being thankful despite unique circumstances is difficult.
Cathy says
I have ten kids, all of which are adults (college-aged included), and I’ve often remarked that if my kids turn out well, i.e., that they love Jesus and are committed followers of Him, it will be DESPITE my parenting, and to His glory–alone.
Hang tough…and pray hard.
Marcella says
Thanks for this honest post. You are so right. Jesus is enough because we cannot be. We all come with brokeness and what a moment to point our children to our need for Jesus. How beautiful to have a Healer to come to! As a mother of 6 kids, two of whom are teenagers, this is so comforting to me. I think I can get caught up in wanting to have this well behaved family image to portray to the world around me, when that is not the point. Yes, we seek to glorify God with our behavior but as we journey, we fail at times. I need to extend grace to my children as I am extended grace, and point them to Jesus. Not lose it because I am embarrassed, disappointed etc.
Nicole says
What are these books you are using in this picture?
Crystal Paine says
It’s what we’re doing for our morning Bible Time (the book study is called The Fighter Verses).
Steve from Arkansas says
That was so honest, I have three great kids, grown now on their own. I actually let my son spend the night in jail one time. It worked, he is now a chemical engineer who is halfway through medical school, soon to be a MD. I had drawn a line in the sand, he crossed it, I made him pay the price. You can’t ever, one time, back down from keeping your word with your kids. Its about having clear rules, and clear consequences. Sounds like, as usual, you are on the right road. Steve
Andrea C says
I LOVE that you are honest tht you loose your temper with your children. No sanctimommy here. It is part of the reason I love following your blog.
Crystal Paine says
Thank you so much for your kind words!
Jessica says
Last summer, I discovered that both my 5 year old son and (at the time) 8 year old daughter stole small toys from Michael’s Arts and Crafts. I discovered my son’s theft first and took him back to the store to apologize and pay for the item. I was so embarrassed, because I shop there once or twice each month. Well then I discovered that my daughter had done this twice and that she was the one who encouraged her brother to do the same. Not only did she have to do the same as her brother, but she also lost out on a sleepover and had to do extra chores, which included going through her room and donating things for charity. I was doubly embarrassed not only to have to make that trip a second time, but because my daughter knew better, yet she did it anyway – TWICE – and encouraged bad behavior on the part of her brother.
Jean says
We were in a similar situation with our fifteen year old daughter. We prayed with her and told her that she needed to ask God for forgiveness and the person that she offended. It was a big, big deal that has far ranging consequences but we are glad the sin was found out so we can bring it before God. It is hard to rebuild the trust that was broken with her but ask God daily for strength and wisdom. Praying for you all. Parenting is not for the feint of heart and each child is different!
Denise says
Thank you for sharing. You shared that things can be faced calmly and dealt with in love and God. Also you did this discreetly. I have always appreciated the way in which you share your family with us without making fun of or sharing too much of your children’s mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes. They don’t need them immortalized on the internet forever.
Cindy says
Here’s a good story for you: When I was about seven, I spent the night with a friend for the first time. She had been given some perfume, and somehow, in my jealousy, I thought it would be a good idea to pour most of it down the sink, fill the bottle up with water, and then lie about it. I got sent home and my sister got to spend the night instead of me. I have never lived that down with that friend and her mom (maybe because it seems to be the dirtiest dirt they can find on me!). But here’s the thing: I grew up just fine and am walking with the Lord and raising my own kids now. I’m always surprised somehow when they misbehave, and yet why? They are little sinners that need the Lord, and sometimes God needs to show them that through the mistakes they make. I don’t like it because it seems to reflect badly on me, and yet. . . . Like you said, the real question is how we’re going to respond. And my choice can work for good in their lives and mine. Thanks for sharing!
Lauren says
Oh Chrystal! I can so relate and I feel for you! My youngest daughter came to me over Christmas break and told me something she’d done that was so against everything we’d taught her. This parenting thing isn’t for wimps ? But like you said trusting in God and doing our best to listen to his counsel is our only hope to be awesome parents cause we sure as heck can’t do it on our own!! ? Thanks for sharing your heart with us.
Dominique says
While correcting my own kids, God often uses the moment to teach me. Like the times I’m yelling at my kids for not being kind to each other. I have to stop, apologize and realize that this love walk is hard business- we often say the hardest part of homeschooling isn’t the school work, it’s the relationship part.
Patti says
Is there a way to send you a private message regarding this post? Thank you!
Crystal Paine says
You can send me a message through the contact form or email me: crystal @ moneysavingmom.com
Charlotte says
That is awesome to hear. I had a similiar situation with a class of students who came to me during Art. I was subbing and they were totally out of control during clean up time. I had to call their teacher to come help me. I was so surprised that the teacher came in so calm and cool headed. I expected her to yell and threaten. She told me she had a talk with the Lord and asked for wisdom before addressing the students. She calmly talked through their actions and showed lots of love in her words. It was awesome to see. It was something I really needed to witness myself.
Jen @ Women Winning Online says
Thank you for being so real Crystal! I am in a new Mom’s group at church and we are growing together in our faith and also as moms. Your post really speaks to what we are working on and it was helpful to share with the group. Thanks again for the loving and kind reminders that we are doing God’s work with our children!
Heather Church says
It’s always so hard to hear and or see your kids make wrong choices when they know better. I had a case like that on my hands last week. It was from my child that doesn’t usually make wrong choices either, so I was in a bit of shock!
I also struggle with the fear that my kids are going to grow up with a host of issues because of the way I handled things with them. The only thing I can do, is humble myself before them and give them a genuine apology when I mess up, and trust the Lord to work things out.
Crystal Paine says
Such a good word! Thank you for sharing!
Kelly says
Thank you for your honesty and openness. We only have one 3 year old girl, but I know these days are coming. In the Breaking Free study by Beth Moore, she talks about moments like this too. She says that sometimes you have to give a high five to Jesus (like if you were in a race and tagging your teammate to take over). That picture stuck with me, and I’ve had to use it to remind myself that this is a moment and together (Jesus leading me) well get through this. Thank you again for your open heart.
Lyn Morris says
I was always thankful for friends who came and let me know about my children. Sometimes it was embarrassing – but thank goodness for all of those who surrounded my children as they grew up!
Home is where you want them to be able to falter….so they can land softer and bounce back higher…..
Crystal Paine says
YES!
Karen Fleming says
I needed to hear this after a “bad” parenting episode yesterday with my son.
Becky says
Gosh. Are you sure you weren’t at my house lately or we didn’t have this conversation? Just kidding, but seriously, I think every parent feels this way. I wonder what my kids will think of my husband and I when they are grown. I feel like we mess up more than we get things right. But, you are absolutely right. God is enough and we can always look to Him to help us parent His children. Great message!
Christina @ Martha, Martha says
Man, parenting can really be tough sometimes! I sometimes feel like I am such a failure because I don’t always know the answers. God reminded me recently that all I really need to do is focus on loving my kids and the right parenting choices usually fall into place. http://www.marthamarthablog.com/love-is-all-you-need-to-be-a-good-mom/
Rachel says
Thank you for posting this, as my little guys is a toddler we aren’t in these stages just yet… but thankful that in our stage we are at now and the stages to come Christ will be our Guide and lead us in our interactions with our children.
I love the responsibility you took as your child’s parents and their actions. So many times I hear one mother going to another and telling them some their child did, for the second mom saying, no, that’s no big deal, or we allow that in our family. Thank you for being a responsible and a mom that does the hard things.
Jamie @ Medium Sized Family says
Parenting ain’t for wimps! We’ve had some serious challenges here lately, too. Finding the pause before you respond is the hard part. Thanks for sharing how you got through it.
Katiria says
are there any bible verses you use during those times when your kids get bad grades in school and you want to encourage them?
kate garwood says
I love this. Its easy to lash out in the moment but i think it’s the better choice to try to hear them out. Calm and kind parenting usually wins out at my house, doesn’t mean its not hard. Good job Mama!!!!
ElizabethClare says
Parenting IS so hard. Our work is never done. I wish I could just tie a big ol’ ribbon on my children at the end of the day and say my work is complete! Praise God for His never ending Grace!
Alicia says
This is so true, and so difficult to live out at times, especially when our human nature begs us to use a different approach. Parenting is the ultimate grace, and I agree with a commenter above, a continual refining process in us as parents. Well done. You are so inspiring to me, and so many other parents out there.
Meredith says
I needed this! My 8 and 9 year old fight so much now, that I wonder what we’re doing wrong!! I know it’s age appropriate, but it gets me crazy. They used to be best buddies.
Susan in St. Louis says
Thank you! Such a good reminder that we all need Jesus – and perhaps especially we parents! 😉
Jerica says
Well said!
Parenting is a huge tool by which God constantly refines us. I’m grateful He sets the perfect parenting example for us too. Even when we blow it, He gently loves us, corrects us and sets us back on the path again.
He perfectly chooses the kiddos He gives us too!
You’re doing good Momma, by God’s grace! 🙂
Crystal Paine says
So fun to see a comment from you here! I’ve been thinking of you!
Jerica says
🙂
You’re never far from my thoughts either!
Becky says
Thank you for sharing:) God is good.
Renee says
Wow!! Thank you again for being so honest with your blogging friends. I’m sure that was not an easy post, but you chose to post it anyway, and to let us know how real you are, and you are one of us. Trusting in God is the absolute best thing to do, and praying. And, sometimes that is tough, and being a parent is tough. Praying for you and your family. Thank you again for your post.