I’m a person who loves order, structure, and sameness. I’ll wear the same outfits over and over again. Keep my house decorated the same way for years. Fix the same things for dinner repeatedly. Go to the same restaurants and order the same things.
I find comfort in having a plan and knowing what to expect. As much as I can, I avoid unknowns.
Moving from Kansas to Tennessee in May brought a lot of newness and unknowns into the life of a girl who craves sameness. Then, there were quite a few extra doses of new business, speaking, and media opportunities thrown into the mix. And this was all topped with a completely new way of doing family life.
What did this result in? An unsettled feeling.
For a few months, it felt like life didn’t have any ruts or familiar grooves. Instead, every footstep was like treading on brand-new soil.
There wasn’t a clear plan. There wasn’t organized structure. And there was a whole lot of new.
New people.
New church.
New house.
New kid’s activities.
New roads.
New stores.
A new life to navigate.
In the middle of reeling from all of this newness, I went to a get-together with new friends. As I sat there amongst this group and heard the friendly chatter around me, I suddenly realized how out of place I felt. Almost as if I was in a foreign land.
Everyone seemed to have memories forged together, roads traveled together, and life lived together. Everyone, that is, but me.
I tried to smile and engage in conversations and ask questions, but it felt like I was the odd one out. The only one who hadn’t been apart of all of these adventures and stories they were laughing and joking and teasing each other about.
My heart felt torn. I was so grateful that they’d been kind to invite me. But I also wanted to run away… back to where it was safe and known and comfortable.
We said our goodbyes, I got into my car, and cried all the way home.
The next morning, I got up early and sat on the couch trying to will myself to dive into the day’s to-do’s and responsibilities. I felt tired and lonely and just plain done with all the newness.
Jesse came downstairs and while he made his morning coffee, all my thoughts started jumbling out all over the place. (God knew what He was doing when He gave me a man who is so willing to listen to all my verbal processing!)
“I just want to go back to Kansas… where I don’t have to use the GPS to get to ALDI, where I don’t have to spend most of my social gatherings trying to remember whose name is who, and where I have memories of life lived with people.”
My husband graciously listened to all of this. Then he reminded me of why we’d made this move. It wasn’t for comfort and safety and sameness and familiarity.
Those things can be good, but they can also be stifling. And, in our case, we needed to jump out in faith. To forge new paths. To step outside our comfort zone. To be stretched.
The process would be hard and messy. We knew that. But the results would be worth it. We’d already seen fruit in our lives from unearthing new soil and how this was giving us fresh growth and inspiration.
He encouraged me to grieve what I’d lost and left behind. To acknowledge that it was hard. To talk about it with him and a few other good friends. But to not stay there and sulk.
Instead, he challenged me to embrace the unknown, welcome the new, and revel in the unexpected. This wouldn’t always be easy, but it would certainly make the journey much more enjoyable.
We continued to have conversations like this over the next few weeks. It took time. It took tears. It took prayers. It took safe people around me listening to me and letting me be honest with them about my struggles.
In the end, it has made such a difference for me these last two months. I’m finding that I’m feeling a lot less unsettled. I’m actually enjoying many of the new experiences. And I becoming much more spontaneous — which has completely surprised everyone who knows me well! 🙂
I love what Michael Hyatt says, “The most interesting things in life happen just outside your comfort zone.” It’s hard to step into the unknown. It’s often not fun to experience big changes. It’s usually difficult to face unfamiliar territory and new situations.
But if we embrace and welcome these changes, and newness, and unfamiliarity instead of just wishing we could play it safe and comfortable, a lot of unexpected joy and blessings can result.
For instance, in our situation, some of those blessings have been meeting new friends who are fast becoming very dear friends, opportunities for sports activities and advancement that our children didn’t have before, getting to see my husband thrive and find fulfillment in brand-new roles, and discovering that I actually can kind of enjoy being spontaneous.
Sometimes, changing your attitude can change your whole outlook on life!
Rebecca says
I am so thankful for this post! We just moved a few weeks ago and I feel like I’m losing the struggle to be happy here. I feel like I need to smile and be social to make new friends but I really just want to sit by myself and grieve for a while…trying to set up house is daunting and feels like a losing battle…I stay home with my two young girls, so alone time is rare. And I also feel like I need to kind of fake it for their sake.
I remembered today that you had moved a while back so I did a search for posts about the move, and just cried harder reading all the “this is our new home and it’s great!” posts…because I certainly don’t feel that way and reading them just felt like this is yet another area where I just can’t measure up. Thank you so much for the whole picture in this one!! I’m so relieved to know that you felt this way too.
April says
After living with my mom with past two years due to a nasty divorce, my daughter,7, and I just moved 45 minutes away to an area I could afford with a good school. I have a hard time meeting new people, so I am lonely, but, she thankfully already has friends since school started last week. Hopefully, once there are football games, I will meet some people and start settling in.
Kellie says
Yes! We moved from Seattle to Virginia two years ago, and moved twice in a year when we got here (we rented here and built a house). I was up for the change when we moved here, but it does wear on you… its exhausting to have everything be new. I feel like I’m just now starting to feel settled here. Maybe. (And I really do like it here, so it isn’t just me complaining about a new place!)
We traveled back to Seattle this summer for a vacation; my first trip back. It was amazing to me how easy it all felt…. I could drive around without getting lost, I knew how long it would take to get somewhere, I knew what restaurants I liked, etc. But, it was good to see that there were things that I didn’t like either. Sometimes, we remember only the BEST parts about our past, and forget that it wasn’t all roses.
I hope you continue to feel settled and at HOME where you are.
Michelle says
It is amazing what a change of attitude can do!
Tibi says
Crystal, I did not know this move was so hard on you! I was actually recently thinking, “How did she get such great friends so quickly after moving?”. I think in your earlier posts after you moved there you talked alot about how great your neighbors were and how you were developing great deep friendships right away. I really wondered how that happened. It’s good to know that there were struggles, that it was not all roses, and that you have grown from the risks you’ve taken. Thank you for sharing!
Crystal Paine says
We have been SO blessed to have wonderful friends here who have welcomed us with open arms and loved on us. (It helped tremendously that we already had really great friends here before we moved.)
That said, there has definitely also be a LOT of processing that each of us individually and as a whole has gone through as a result of the move. My processing came a few months into the move, after my family had already settled in and my husband had already processed. I realized that I was so focused on moving and helping my family members get adjusted that I didn’t take time to really personally process it until a few months into the move.
So August and September were the months when it really hit me. The processing wasn’t fun or easy, but I’m grateful for my husband and a few other close local friends who listened to me, counseled me, and just loved me in those messy moments.
Tibi says
I totally understand the ‘delayed processing’ syndrome! It’s like you were in the honeymoon phase when you first moved to Nashville then reality set in for you that so much had changed. I’m so glad you’ve been able to take time to think through it and share with close friends. thank you for being so transparent and honest with your audience. It is such a breath of fresh air!
Jamie Rohrbaugh says
Crystal, I’m so sorry you were hurting. I can’t imagine leaving all my friends and familiar surroundings! I am thankful Papa God is comforting you. Hope it continues to get better. 🙂
Angela says
Wow! I am so blessed by this post! About 3-4 years ago my husband and I really felt like The Lord was calling us to move somewhere so our children could have a big yard and outdoor fun! We lived in suburban Florida with 3 little boys so we started looking at land in our area where there was a little more room to grow. We had everything in place and bam, it fell thru. We didn’t understand why but knew God must have a bigger plan. Well, fast forward a few years, we are now one year into a journey that brought us to Knoxville, TN from Florida and reading your post felt like reading something I wrote myself! I am one for adventure but not quite this adventurous. Eventually my husband lost his job a couple years back and we were able to move to TN for employment. It has been one of the most difficult yet exciting things we have ever done. But the transition period has lasted a lot longer then I would have expected. I had a few panic attacks, cried the entire time thru “Mom’s Night Out,” because I missed my friends at home (note I was with a group of ladies from my new church at the time) and then like you, cried the entire way home! I definitely resonated with this post and appreciate that you posted it!
Suzanne says
Good job! I admire you. It would take a lot of courage to move to a new city and start over like this. Prayers for you and your family!
Amy R says
We moved away from “home” (from the chicago are to texas) about 12 years ago for a ministry opportunity. Although the transition was rough for a while (the move also came with a 60% pay cut), I wouldn’t change a thing!! As a couple and eventually a family with 3 children, we are extremely close, and I often attribute that to the fact that there were times when we only had each other. One thing that was extremely difficult at first was that we spent Thanksgiving alone. Now, its one of my favorite annual family moments! It’s such a special, tradition-filled days, and they’re OUR traditions…ones we started.
Amy says
Thank you for your comment! We just moved far away from all family and it will be our first Thanksgiving alone. I have been trying to ignore it and not be sad, but it’s there. I love that you made your own traditions. I’m going to try that this year. 🙂
T.R. says
I moved to Nashville from Atlanta right after I married my husband, who was already living there for law school. We lived there his final two years knowing we would be moving back to Atlanta. It was so hard. My father died three months after our wedding. We joined a small group at church and kind of got to know some people. It felt like when people learned we wouldn’t be there permanently, they didn’t want to get close. But I did find joy in those two years. We lived near Hilsboro Village and I walked to places more than I ever did before. The Belcourt Theater had great indie films. The Green Hills Library was a second home. And Nashville has so many great parks, I still miss them. If we ever had to move back, I would do it in a heartbeat.
Sheri says
I felt that way when we moved away from where I lived most of my life! Now it’s been thirteen years and I have watched a few little ones grow up, get married have children! Now we are some of the old-timers at my church, before they built the big sanctuary. “I remember when….” I can say with those who were here before me.
It’s not fun to start over, but if The Lord is in it, it will be worth it! I think I have better friends here than I had before! And I get to keep my old friends too!
Laura Smith says
I feel the same way but for a different reason. I’m one who loves routine, familiarity, order, plans, and crossing off to-do lists. I had a baby 3 months ago who doesn’t need too much sleep, is often unexplicably fussy, and definitely doesn’t follow a pattern/routine/schedule despite my efforts to get her settled into some of sort of routine. I feel so lost without much structure to my days.
Amy says
Hang in there Laura. When I had my first child, she was very similar to what you described, and I was very overwhelmed and tired. Keep praying and try to get sleep whenever you can. It will get better!!!! You’re in baby boot camp right now, and you’re doing a good job. God called you to be her Mommy, and he will strengthen you to do it. Sincerely, Amy.
WilliamB says
What you’re describing makes perfect sense. You did uproot yourself and you do have to create a lot of new routines, friends, and norms. You need to learn how the aisles in the new stores are set up. It sounds like you’re dealing with culture shock. It takes time, some grief, and a little grace to adapt.
Lydia @ Five4FiveMeals says
Thank you! It is so hard, even when the choice was yours. My husband I moved almost three years ago when our oldest was just six weeks old. We left our jobs, our home, our world. The opportunity was great and it allowed us to be closer to family, but it was so hard.
Meredith says
Crystal– I moved from Maine to Nashville in late June, so I TOTALLY understand!! We did the whole leap of faith thing, and have seriously had to trust God for EVERYTHING.
I am so excited to know that you are here too, because it all of a sudden makes this HUGE place just seem a littler smaller. 🙂
Have a wonderful night!
-Meredith (from Nashville by way of Maine)
Lisa says
Have you read Help for Women Under Stress by Randy and Nanci Alcorn? It was such a helpful book for me when I was struggling after our move. Change can be one of the most stressful things in our lives. Even if that change is positive, it takes time to process and adapt to. I like order and structure and familiarity just like you, and I need to be patient with myself to work through a change and get to the other side. I hope Tennessee feels more and more like home to you!
Lora says
Thanks for sharing! We are planning a move next spring. It will be back to the city that my husband and I grew up in. We haven’t lived there for 25 years and our young adult daughters have never lived there. While we have family there and familiarity, most things will still be new. We have lived where we are now for 12 years since our youngest was 6. This post will help us to prepare mentally for the move. I had only been thinking of it as a familiar thing, but there will be much that is new for us. Being prepared will help us deal with those things better. Thanks again!
Sally says
Crystal, I can totally relate! We just made a big move to Charlotte two weeks ago from a small town in SC. My husband accepted a call to be the new Senior Pastor of a church here in town. I am also navigating all the “newness” of it all – new home, new congregation, new places, etc. I too crave structure and routines, so it is certainly stretching me beyond my normal comfort zone. But I’m also finding that because God has called us here, He has also been equipping us to handle it with excitement and anticipation. I love the saying, “Bloom where you’re planted”, because it has helped me learn to live with joy and purpose wherever I live. Hope you continue to settle in to your new home and this exciting new season of your life!
Addi says
I really enjoyed reading this post. Although I have not moved or made a big change in my life recently, it made me realize how, I too, enjoy comfort and routine. Maybe it is time that I step out of my comfort zone to find growth and inspiration. You never realize how daily tasks become a routine.
Lori Sharp says
Crystal,
I know exactly how you feel. My husbands job requires us to move every 3-6 months. In 4 years we have moved 10 times, 8 Different cities, 7 different states, as far east as North Carolina, as Far west as Hawaii. Some of these moves were probably the best thing for me as I met some of the best friends I could ever make and some, had me at the lowest point of my life. I feel as if I could write a novel ( or I should) about our traveling experiences and what is has done for my faith and my marriage. Every time we move I have to start all over with jobs, a social life, and like you mentioned, reprogramming my own GPS to even find the local grocery store. Times , like this move to Hawaii, we’ve had to really instill FROG as our metaphor (Fully Rely On God). We made this move in debt, uncertain , and completely stressed. It’s been 3 weeks since we moved to this little Hawaiian city and things are finally calming down and I had an evening with some friends I had finally made. We also found an amazing church . Moving is hard and I still don’t know how we do it . Sometimes I cry, not wanting to do it all over again, and sometimes I’m running out the door , waiting for our new adventure. We still aren’t 100% sure we are doing what God has planned for us, but can feel His Presence , we know He is with us.
It’s rough but your blog is a little shinning beacon of light that’s pinned to my toolbar . I open it every day. I’m unable to find a job at the moment so I’m trying everything I can to provide for my husband and I, while in the red.
I just wanted to say, I know how you feel and I know you’ll pull through. You’re an amazing women and I can’t wait to see what amazing things you’ll be able to bring to Nashville .
By the way, I’m from that area..here are some suggestions
Opry Mills Hotel is AMAZING during Christmas. It’s free to walk through and they have a free kids show during the day. It’s beautifully decorated and doesn’t cost to go in
Cool Springs Mall is one of the best in the area
The Pantheon Park is pretty neat to eat a picnic at
The Color Run runs through downtown Nashville and is SUCH a blast, they had it around March last time
🙂
Shelli says
On May 1, we moved from Kansas to Texas. When I read your 1st few TN posts about all the friendly neighbors and kind gestures from strangers, I was jealous! We didn’t come across a single friendly person when we unpacked. I am encouraged to hear that you have struggled too. I have been feeling about about how much I miss our life in Kansas. Moving has been so hard!
Guest says
I am so sorry to hear this was your experience, Shelli. Sadly, it was mine when we moved also. The south is supposed to be friendly – where are all of the friendly people I wondered?!?
After praying (and complaining) about it for awhile, I decided I couldn’t change other people but I could be the welcoming person in our neighborhood. I started baking bread or cookies for anyone new who moved in, started our neighborhood ladies group and tried to be the kind of person I would like others to be to me. It didn’t immediately turn things around but it got much better and I developed some wonderful friendships. Best wishes!
NancyL says
I have always lived within 30-40 minutes of where I grew up. I run into a store and stop to talk to people I know all the time. I appreciate your post though because I need to be more open to people that are new.
We passed up opportunies by always staying in the same area so know that you are doing good for yourself and family!
Sara says
Relocating can be one of the most stressful things in life; right up there with marriage, divorce, and death of a family member. I’m glad you’re processing it and I hope others will take heart from your honest reflections.
Erin says
Thank you so much for so eloquently writing my similar experience- I moved to Nashville from Seattle (!) 8 months ago, and I have struggled with the same issues. I like new things, and love it here, but I think it can be overwhelming with every single aspect of my life being new here. Getting closer everyday- thank you for your encouraging words, I know it isn’t just me.
heather m. says
I’m so happy for you Crystal!! Change is absolutely so hard some times but I know you guys will be blessed for it! I read another gals blog a while back- Farmgirlpaints- http://www.farmgirlpaints.com/ who struggled with the same things after they moved to VA. It gets better! Have a terrific Thursday!
Abbey says
This post couldn’t have come at a better time for me. We JUST relocated to South Carolina from Wisconsin. It was a drastic move but we are excited. We are in the midst of a major transition. We know no one here and are feeling a bit overwhelmed in find new friends and making community here. There have been plenty of tears so far and lots of prayers to feel comfortable in our new home. Thank you for writing an honest post and sharing your insights!
Rachel says
There are folks in my church in Columbia SC from Wisconsin – we would love to have you worship with us and ya’ll could talk “home” stuff 🙂
Abbey says
That’s so nice of you! We are actually in Myrtle Beach so a bit of a drive. Thanks for reaching out 🙂
Jessie says
Hi Crystal, I’ve followed your website but it’s my first time commenting. This post really hit home for me. My husband and I just found out we’re expecting our first baby. It was a total surprise so I have mixed feelings about it. You’re right, the unknown is completely scary and I also need to learn to embrace change. This post made me look at my situation in a more positive way.
Crystal Paine says
{Hugs!} Unknowns can be so scary and overwhelming!
Guest says
Hi Jessie, I just said a prayer for you, your husband and your baby. Speaking as a “surprise” baby myself (I was born 10 months after my parents were married), I feel like I can pretty confidently say that these things have a way of working themselves out. 🙂 Wishing you and yours the best and ENJOY this new chapter in your life!!
Jessie says
Thank you so much for your prayers and kind words! You have no idea how I feel reading this. I’m very touched. Many blessings to you as well 🙂
Anne says
Jessie, I want you to know you are not alone! I got pregnant right after my husband and I got married. We wanted a baby, but didn’t expect it would happen so easily or quickly for us. It was the scariest thing ever, but today is our daughter’s 2nd birthday and we can’t imagine life without her.
Many, many moms have walked the same path of fear, anxiety, and mixed feelings. I am going to hold you in my prayers.
(P.S. My husband and I were both “pleasant surprises,” too, as my mom puts it).
Jessie says
Thank you so much, Anne. Just reading your reply puts me more at peace with this new chapter in my life. I appreciate your kind words. Many blessings to you and your family!
Misty says
I recently left Nashville (where my comfort zone was) and am living in Denver. Even though I grew up in Colorado, I definitely feel unsettled. Change is hard! My first couple of months I made it a point to do one new thing every day. It was a challenge and a blast! It also wore me out so now I giving myself permission to be unsettled and be okay with it.
Dawn says
A year and a half ago, we left our church of 15 years. We went over to the church both our grown sons attended. We had visited there many times over the years with our boys, for Good Friday services, Christmas Eve services, a Sunday here and there when our son led worship.
That church was familiar to us and we felt comfortable there. But let me tell you, going from a few times a year visit to that being OUR church was a whole different ball game.
It was all too easy to mingle happily with folks we weren’t seeing every single week. Getting INVOLVED is different. It has been HARD!!! The people are super kind and friendly, but we live an hour away. so forming close relationships has been challenging to say the least.
So glad you aren’t just moving on, but are really processing the whole thing. That’s the only way to keep that root of bitterness from forming.
Lori says
it’s like you’re inside my head…in my thoughts…your words could have come straight out of my mouth. Our move from East Tennessee to Vermont 1 1/2 years ago is the hardest thing i’ve ever had to do. And that’s coming from a military wife who has moved to Europe and 6 different states in the last 20 years. This is the hardest because when we moved to Tennessee (where both our families are from) bought a house, my son was in school from 4th grade to 10th. I thought we were HOME!!! Then life kicked in and we had to make this move and I have been so depressed since. So many tears so much sadness. Wish I could get past it. Thanks for your article.
Margaret says
I have moved
20 something times in my 38 years. I have found the moving extremely hard because I am often the outsider but it had taught me a couple of things. First to be more flexible/ spontaneous which, like you, is not natural for me. Second to reach out to others because I know what it likes to be new. Third, my family is and always will be my best friends. And finally, that I always have a loving God who is there and faithful even when others are not around. He has taught me to rely on Him and cry out to Him in a way that no moves might not have done.
Katy says
Thank you for sharing so honestly. Many of us have moved before and it is just so hard–I thought you were some kind of super woman who was immune to the challenges, but it’s much more helpful to know that moving is hard on us all. It will get better! And I love how helpful Jessie is, and how you keep your eyes on God. 🙂
Kristin says
Thank you for this! My husband and I are contemplating a move ACROSS TOWN (we live in a mid-sized metro area) to be in a particular school district when our nephew starts high school next year. I am also someone who craves sameness, and I love our current neighborhood and its convenience to everything….also the park right across from our house. Thank you for this post, and the comments from your other readers it has generated. Now I know I am not alone in my feeling anxiety and loss about this possible move.
Laurie @PassionatePennyPincher.com says
Thank you so much for this Crystal. Moving is just HARD – even when it’s just the right thing! We’re muddling here too and I feel so many of the same feelings, and just miss the sense of community we had at home in Alabama so much.
I kept telling myself to give it a year but so many folks have said to maybe be patient for 3 years (yikes?) but we’ve only rounded the 6 month mark. Like you I just want to find my place too, and I know it will happen, but goodness it’s hard to be patient and wait some days!
(I did finally find the post office this week ~ baby steps!) 🙂 Hang in there and thanks for being so transparent!
Lydia @ Five4FiveMeals says
Laurie, I thought of you when I read this!
Sara F says
i know we are being obedient to Gods calling our lives as we are just 3 months post move from Minneapolis to Bozeman, MT….but I am in that exact boat of missing everything and everyone familiar. I’m wanting to get involved but yet still feel like the odd man out. Thankfully we have found a church and they are so gracious and friendly and I know we will have some dear friends there. It’s still hard and I see sadness in my kids eyes periodically which we talk about and it’s ok for them to see my sadness, too. As we talk about what we miss though, I am so thankful to then Talk about how God orchestrated our move and how we know it is all part of His amazing plan for us. Like you, I see my husband thriving in his new role (which is why we moved) and we have grown closer as a family through this, not to mention how our faith as a family has grown. I knew it would be hard and in the sadness Im thankful that my hope is in the Lord.
Thanks for your post and honesty and how things are going now!
whitney says
I’ve lived in 3 States over the last 5 years due to my husbands job, so I totally feel you. I grew up in the Nashville area, and it was honestly a wonderful place to do so. I hope your kids feel the same way down the road. 🙂
For us, the first year in a new state is the hardest. It just takes about a year to settle in, make friends, find and embrace a new church, and start to think of your new town as home. I’ve definitely shed my share of tears during our moved, but I can clearly see Gods hand in all of it now. Praise God for affirming husbands! That certainly helps!
Jessie Lowe says
I didn’t read all the comments, but I am sure that many people can relate to this honest post. Four years ago we moved to New England to pastor a church and to be near our grandchildren. The first time I went to the grocery store with my husband and two youngest girls I had a panic attack. I hadn’t had one in years and thought they were a thing of the past. I didn’t go back to that particular store for weeks, afraid it would happen again. I can relate to all you have said. Forging those new memories is tough. Finding those new friends, longing for the old. Your perseverance is going to be rewarded. Thank you for your honesty.
Debbie Miller says
This past September we packed up our lovely large house in Memphis, Tennessee and moved with our two dogs across the world to Israel. I have just always wanted to live here and to come before I was too old to appreciate it. It is very overwhelming to try to settle in a place so different from America. The light switches to the rooms in our house are outside of the rooms. We have to turn on a switch outside of our bathroom each morning and wait for the water to heat up before we can take a hot shower. There is always a water shortage here so you soap up your dishes without the water running before rinsing them off . We are trying to learn Hebrew and maneuver the supermarkets, the banks, the culture etc. I am so grateful for every friendly face and every bit of help that I get from the people here. When I begin to feel overwhelmed it is time to sit still a bit, maybe do some yoga and get back in alignment with G-d and remember to be grateful for the miracles that happen in my life every day. It is so completely normal to feel as you do and thank you for voicing it. May you continue to feel more settled and more at peace and have ultimate trust that G-d is guiding you every step of the way. Thanks for your wonderful site. I have pared down many of the blogs that I receive because of time constraints but not yours! Love to read it even if I can no longer take advantage of many of the wonderful sales and offers in America. I am being frugal and money saving here in Israel!
G-d bless!
Elaine says
Military wife here, I moved away from the only town I had ever known to be with my husband and have moved 4 more times in 12 years since then. It was very depressing that first time and I even flew “home” just a couple months later for a nice long visit. I’ve learned since then that you have to throw yourself into the community ASAP. Thankfully my kids help me with that (soccer, Girl Scouts, etc). Now when we complain about something we don’t like in our area we actually look forward to the next place we’ll live!
I despise learning new streets and getting lost though. Thank goodness for GPS!
Tiffany says
Crystal! We were just talking about this in MOPS yesterday! The whole being open and honest, allowing hurt and trust issues to follow, is a HUGE step for most women. We tend to base relationships of past with finding new relationships. Taking that step in faith and trust, God will anoint that relationship as long as it remains honest 😀 I am happy you are in Nashville! Snuggle up with your coffee this morning – it’s COLD out there 😀
Jen says
I totally understand where you’re coming from! I have always been very Type A; I like routine, everything in its place, and plans/organization for every part of my life. Then, in April, my divorce was finalized from the man I’d been with 13 years. I decided I needed a change of scenery, a place where I had no memories. I settled upon Austin, TX due to its climate and reputation for healthy living. I put in for a transfer with my job and got it.
In late June, I moved from the Phoenix area to Austin. In my first four months here, I’ve survived three hit and run drivers, a Presidential visit, a stolen hubcap, a broken water pipe and resulting flood in my kitchen, a flat tire in the pouring rain on the interstate in rush hour traffic, hundreds of dollars in unforeseen expenses, getting lost a million times, and navigating hundreds of traffic jams. My cat got sick three times and recovered twice; I had to put him down two weeks ago. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do because I had to do it alone. He was my constant companion for 17 years, and I’m convinced the move killed him. I’ve cried more in the past 4 months than in all my years combined.
In the midst of all this drama, I’ve been determined to experience my new city. I’ve hiked many new trails, kayaked Lady Bird Lake, watched bats fly out from under the Congress Bridge, attended a gala for the ballet, got pulled into a parade, tried my hand at trapeze, hang glided, rode in a pedicab for the first time, and taken several day trips.
I had planned a 35th birthday trip to AZ a couple of months ago so I could celebrate with my friends and would have something to look forward to what with all my homesickness. This past weekend was my birthday, and I returned fully expecting that I’d want to move back. It was wonderful to see my friends again and to return to familiar surroundings. However, I was surprised to find AZ no longer felt like home, It was as if I had somehow outgrown it. I returned to Austin Tuesday with the closure I needed. After four months of feeling scattered, I felt centered again. Yesterday was my first day back at work after my trip. My co-workers were thrilled I had decided to stay in Austin, and my patients (I work in physical therapy) were as well. There was a belated birthday party thrown for me, and lots of healthy goodies had been prepared for lunch by my co-workers. Looking around the room at them, I realized they were my future. I hadn’t been paying a lot of attention the past four months, had just been trying to survive, but somehow had made lasting relationships with people who were my new support system and became part of my family. I found I had to go backwards, back to AZ, to move forwards in Austin. I feel as though this is Austin, take two, and look at it as though this is a fresh start after my trip.
Moving is very difficult, especially when it’s done alone, in a brand new city, with a job in a new facility, and when you feel like you’ve lost everything that ever meant anything to you within just 6 months. I have learned so much about myself, about the inner strength I possess, and about the real life angels I’m surrounded by. Allowing myself to accept people’s love, advice, and assistance have been valuable life lessons, ones I needed to learn!
Guest says
I’m so very sorry to hear about your cat (and everything else but pets are family). I’m glad you got the closure you needed. I had a similar experience when we moved halfway across the country. I had a pretty awful transition and I’d say that it took a good two years before our new location felt even moderately like home. We went back to our previous home over the summer and though I loved it, it didn’t feel like home anymore. I came away appreciating a number of things about where we are even more and realizing that though there were many things I loved about our prior home, we made the right decision. Maybe I should have gone back before four years had passed. 😉
Crystal Paine says
Wow! It sounds like you had SUCH a rough time… and to add the loss of your cat, too! I am so very, very sorry!
But your comment also blessed me… to hear your hope, determination, focusing on the positive, and how you’re blooming where you are planted… it inspired me! Thank you so much!
And here’s to hoping that your next 4 months are much smoother.
Julia @ PrudentJoy.com says
Moving can be sad and difficult. We moved about a year ago and while leaving friends and familiarity was sad (our oldest child still asks to go back sometimes because she misses her preschool) all the newness was exciting! Just revel in your new untouched adventures and know that soon those same new adventures will be the new routine…the new norm.
Jennifer says
So true. And how neat that you and your family made new friends and have so many invites to social things, even if you feel like the odd one out. Many times I or others have moved it can take months, if not years to find friends or to find invites. What a blessing you have in friendly neighbors and people, even as you still learn all their names.
Crystal Paine says
Yes! We feel so very, very blessed to have been welcomed here with open arms… by many people we didn’t know and who didn’t know us until we moved into their neighborhood/were introduced by a mutual friend, etc.
Brandy says
Sometimes it is not easy following the Spirit. God is the only one that knows what we need and when we need it. We had a similar experience 5 years ago. We moved to our home after an overwhleming “feeling” like we needed to . We left our home town/state and moved to where we didn’t know anyone. The journey has been rocky at times but we now know WHY we were so guided to move. I hope you feel at home soon!
Amy says
We moved to Nashville in May as well, for my husband’s job. I’m also grieving the loss of our church, our friends, a beloved job and my parents who had lived 15 minutes away. Your post spoke to exactly what I’m going through. It’s been a long time since I’ve moved somewhere new and I forgot how hard settling in is. My greatest prayer is that Nashville will become as dear to us as milwaukee.
Justine Lemmon says
Amy, we moved to Nashville in July from Chicago. This post is a blessing for me and my children who are still adjusting. Best wishes and peace
Laura says
HI Crystal, Your post is so timely for me. I am a missionary in Mozambique and am creating a New Missionary Orientation program. Last night I was writing about culture shock and all the newness of the first year (In particular) and this morning woke up to this blog post. I am writing to ask if I can copy your article for the Resources section of our program? I think it will be powerful for people to read that the newness you are experiencing can happen in our own countries, let alone when we exchange all we know for a foreign country. Bless you as you carry on through the journey. I also agree with the comment regarding, what was so hard to leave was once new as well. You will find your feet!
Crystal Paine says
Thanks so much for your sweet encouragement! And yes, you may definitely use this in your Resources section, if you feel it will be helpful. Thank you so much for asking!
Laura says
Thank you so much Crystal! Bless you on your journey! Laura
Lora says
Thank you for this post!! My husband and I just moved with our 2.5 year old to Hawaii from North Carolina! Culture shock is an understatement! Of course most people think “wow! Hawaii!” But it hasn’t been all rainbows either… Thank you for this perspective today!!
Janine says
Lora,
My his dab and I just vacationed on the Big Island recently and we LOVED it! Definitely a huge culture shock, but so amazing! I wish I could move there. 😉
Crystal Paine says
{Hugs!} I can imagine that would be a HUGE culture shock!
Lori says
Crystal,
Hugs to you. I am a creature of habit as well and like the comfort of routines. I think most of us introverts avoid surprises like the plague, but it’s good to step outside that comfort zone. It is terrifying, but so rewarding when you realize you’ve conquered some of your fears.
My mother and I moved to this country when I was 14 years old, and it was a complete culture shock. We only knew a couple of people and didn’t speak English, we had nothing and basically had to start from scratch. I remember crying many nights and wanting to go back home to what was familiar and safe. My mother was my rock and let me vent and kept telling me that things would workout, and they did. I thank God for her everyday.
It has been over 20 years now and this is my home. We’ve moved a couple of times and had to adjust all over again, but we have made Colorado our home. I have met the most amazing people and have a wonderful group of friends who have become part of my family.
Keep praying and leaning on your husband. You will find that everything will become familiar and comfortable very soon.
sk bell says
Gosh, I really needed this! I’ve lived in my current town for three months and a rough pregnancy has left me unable to drive during this time. I haven’t found any church friends, haven’t been able to go meet other moms at library storytime, have just felt generally isolated. I’m vowing to fix my attitude TONIGHT though!!
Davonne Parks says
Crystal, this post is amazing! You’ve always been a good writer but wow, your writing still keeps getting better and better! I haven’t moved homes but I have been stepping just outside my comfort zone as a writer lately and your words ring so true to me. Allume was one of those times for me and I’m so thankful that I took the leap of faith. Thank you for sharing your heart with us!
Anne Marie says
Yep, yep, and yep. We moved from Dallas to a small town in Oklahoma 2.5 years ago. It’s only in the past few months that I’ve finally started to feel somewhat at home here. It was hard moving from a place we’d lived for 13 years, away from family, friends, church, vet, etc. (I realize it’s probably weird to desperately miss your veterinarian, but when you have old, sick pets, you get to be like friends.) Also hard to move to a town without a Target or Petsmart. What was worse is that I had a baby and no support network. I remember getting so sick a couple of months after we moved here, and I had no one I could call to help me. My husband had to take time off from his new job to take care of the baby because I wasn’t well enough to do it myself. We moved in April, just as the town started to shut down all activities for the summer, so I didn’t even have any real opportunities to get out and meet people. It was a really rough period in my adult life.
What made it all the harder was that God made it so clear to us that this is where he wants us. Every obstacle in our path was easily cleared away. It was so amazing for my husband to get the opportunity to work for a Christian ministry we’ve supported for years. Because everything was so smooth in getting us here, I naively believed it would continue to be easy once we arrived. Instead, I felt like I’d been dropped in the desert. Still, it’s been a time of growth and maturing of my faith. Ultimately, it’s been good for me, but too often, the things that are good for us aren’t very enjoyable in the beginning. Change is hard.
Cindy says
Crystal – you are so amazing! Thank you for your honesty and inspiration!
Sarah says
I needed to see this. We’re about to move from Virginia where I have lived my whole life to a little town about 25 minutes north of Nashville with our 2 year old and 6 week old! I’m excited for the adventure and I look forward to the challenge God is placing before me but I know that it’ll hit me that we’re not “home” anymore. I’m quite an introverted person so it’ll be a stretch for me as well. Maybe I’ll bump into you one day!
Leigh says
It’s so hard leaving all you’ve ever known. We moved to Nashville almost 10 years ago. I still can’t believe it’s been that long since I still refer to Alabama as home. Our family and friends are back in Alabama but we moved where we could find work. I miss “home” so much some days and still want to go back. But the reality is we live in Nashville and have for a while. We have stable jobs and our kids have so many more opportunities available to them than what exists in our small hometown. While I miss home, we’re forging ahead.
Jennifer says
Oh sister, I feel your stress. Moving is challenging, add in trying to do life a new way and it’s quite a whammy.
We moved across the country three months after we got married, from the Midwest to the very tip of New England. That was 14 years ago and boy was it stressful. We had many a talk about whether we were doing the right thing and what in the world were we thinking uprooting ourselves from our families and friends. But, it has been the very best thing for us and we’re so glad we did. And it’s made us so much stronger as a couple than I think we would have been without overcoming those challenges.
Peace and strength 🙂
Misty Nicole Overstreet-Roberts (The Lady Prefers To Save) says
I once read a passage about Julia Child, and her husband a statesman in France, and how she passed her lonely days of missing her New England home by. One day when she was feeling very down, very lonely, her husband suggested she start baking. Her told her to take a cooking class, to ease her mind, and out of her loneliness for her beloved home, look at what she became.
Sometimes when I miss my childhood home on the Jersey coast, or my adolescent home in Roanoke, Virginia, I think about how wonderful my current home, my new home in Mississippi is. I then turn my attentions to something in my home, whether that’s cleaning, stockpiling, gardening, or de-cluttering a room in my home, because in the end, wherever you and those you love are, is truly home.
Kristen says
Loved this post. Thank you for sharing! I moved out of my apartment a year ago into a house with my husband and even though it wasn’t that far away (30 minutes), it was a tough move. I think I cried every day for a month missing my shorter commute, apartment community, and routines I was used to. Glad I’m not the only one who hates change!
Miranda says
Thank you for sharing! We were just talking about all of these emotions today in our “Moving On” bible study (in Franklin, TN). It’s so wonderful when you have people you can talk openly with, and admit that it doesn’t always feel like “roses”. I love the idea of being able to process the emotions, but not to get “stuck” there. Moving is hard, even in the best of circumstances. Sometimes God has to MOVE us….in order to MOVE us (spiritually). Blessings!
Miranda
Julia Reffner says
Thank you, Crystal. This is exactly what I needed to hear tonight. I read your posts earlier this summer just when God was showing us we needed to make a move for a variety of reasons. My husband has a chronic blood disorder and we moved to preserve his health as well as a variety of other reasons. We’ve been where we are in Virginia for just 1 week and a half. 8 hours from our families and all we grew up with and lived with for 14 years of our marriage. It is a faith walk and I SO needed this encouragement.
Michelle says
Thank you so much for your post! I thought I was I was the only one that felt this way! About a month ago I finally decided to leave a abusive relationship with my 11year old son after three strokes he continued to hit me in my head over and over again. Then he had to have open heart surgery so I truly thought things would change but they just got worst with words this time it went as far as my son hag to live with another family because I didn’t want him to hear it. Now I am over a 1000 miles away and I miss home. I am at my sisters now and she works all the time I’m lonely and have no one to talk with. So thank you for letting me know my feelings are justified. Hope things get better for you you are my prayers!!!! Hugs!
Brandy @ The Prudent Homemaker says
Your post brought tears to my eyes and makes me want to give you a big hug!
Keep going, Crystal!
I hope you have a wonderful day tomorrow!
Andy Traub says
Friend, I’ve used our GPS to go to the same Aldi…five days ago.
It’s been hard for us too.
Thanks for being honest.
Heart and Haven says
I can so relate to this post! Especially, “God knew what He was doing when He gave me a man who is so willing to listen to all my verbal processing!”
Just yesterday I experienced a similar, very anxious and unsettling feeling after going to my husband’s Halloween party. There has been so many changes with the company, especially after being bought out by a larger company about a year and a half ago. This was also the company that I had worked at for 5 years (until I lost my job when I wasn’t able to return when expected after I had health complications after my daughter was born), and my husband has worked at for 14 years now. However, I did not recognize a single person at the company party, and worse yet, neither did my husband! He has been working 100% remote since June, but still! It honestly felt as if our family was crashing the party!
At the end of the evening (still trying to process the anxiety and just how “alone” I felt), I expressed to my husband how much I appreciated being married to him and having him as a constant companion despite any changes. He responded, “Any day, babe” 🙂
Courtney says
I moved to NAshville 2 years ago and felt the same way. I totally love this place and am so glad we made the move but still have trouble in group settings. I always feel like I am the odd one out. Most of the moms I have met here have shared history and bonds. It is hard to feel a part of the group. Plus I work and most of them are stay at home moms. It has been hard forging and friendships lIke i built with those people I lived with all my life. I think that is the hardest part of moving I am still struggling with.
Priyanthi Silva says
Crystal, thanks for being so honest. I hate change too. After reading the replies left for your post, I agree with Sarah who says that what is comfortable now was new once and took getting used to”. Thanks for your honesty. It helps to know that others feel the same way too and it’s not just me.
God Bless you and your family for sharing your life with us and being honest about the ups and downs and how you deal with them.
Lisa Brown says
We must be on the same journey. We moved to Nashville in March and I have been having a hard time adjusting. I keep thinking that we made a bad decision. Thanks for sharing!
Elizabeth says
Thank you. I moved back to my hometown (after 11 years away) and have been having a hard time adjusting. Making new friends is VERY hard for me and we recently found a new church. Thank you for the encouragement. I truly appreciate the encouragement you share by telling us your experiences – both positive and difficult. Your website is truly a blessing.
April says
I love reading your posts, Crystal. This one really got to me because my family and I will soon be re-locating to Tennessee from Indiana! We are moving away from all of our family and friends and it is scary! We are excited for the opportunity God has blessed us with and trust that He is paving a way for us, but I do think about all the things you mentioned…using the GPS to get around everywhere, kids starting in a new school system, looking for a new church, etc….it can be overwhelming! Thank you for the encouraging reminders. The only reason we are stepping out in faith and making this move is we believe it is the best for our family and it will grow us closer to each other and ultimately closer to God because we will have total dependence on Him in a strange an unknown place.
Jenny says
Thank you so much for posting this, Crystal. I just found out yesterday that we will be moving to a new state away from my family and our wonderful friends here. I am so thankful my husband has a job and his company wants him in this new position, but I am really dreading saying goodbye to everyone and everything that is familiar! Praying a lot and crying too. I take comfort in knowing I’m not the only one struggles with change. 🙂
Megan says
In 15 years of marriage, we’ve lived in four different states and are now in our 7th home. One of my first things I’d do when settling in to a new area was to find a local MOPS, but this was the first time I didn’t have preschoolers so couldn’t join in. With this last move, I found a group through our church called Newcomers. It’s through the Just Moved ministry: http://just-moved.org. It has been such a blessing for me, connecting with other women new to the area!
Michelle says
Such wonderfully timed post ( I think God knows just what we need to hear). My family and I are about to put our house on the market and move to a completely new state, new job, church, home, friends…. Change and I aren’t great friends, in fact I avoid it like the plague too. Thank you for sharing your personal story with us and the sweet advice that your hubby gave you. Sending prayers up for you to keep moving forward with all the new 🙂
Jess Wolstenholm says
Crystal, thank you for sharing so honestly. I know many people will be blessed by your words. I can’t imagine all of these feelings. I’ve lived in Nashville for so long. But I know in time you will feel so at home here. It truly is a welcoming place. So good to meet you and chat a bit at Allume. Praying you continue to feel more settled into your new adventure.
Becky says
I can relate to this more than you know. We moved to Memphis from Des Moines in February. Everything you described is something I have thought or said. Thank you for sharing!
Ing says
Thanks Crystal. We are moving soon and I’m a little nervous as I’ve been here about 18 years and we’re moving from a large metroplex to a small town. I appreciate your honesty and the post as it is a blessing to me and others. May The Lord bless you even more!
Melissa Kaiserman {A Time for Everything} says
So beautifully said. And good for those of us (okay, maybe it’s just me) with a little bit of Nashville envy. 😉
What a blessing to have a husband who listens to understand and encourages you where you’re weak. I have one of those, too.
tracy webb says
In 1991 we moved to Franklin,TN from Jackson MS. We didn’t know anyone and to make it worse it was my daughter birthday. We left all of our family’s, but starting over was very hard on me. I am proud to say we made it.Our kids have made lives here. We have 9 grand-kids now and life is good. Hope you feel better, time will help.
Kate says
This was so what I needed right now! We just moved from Wisconsin to Colorado to plant a new church. We wanted to step out in faith and step out of our comfort zone and this is definitely out of my comfort zone!=) It has been hard to feel like I have NO routine and everything is new but I am encouraged to hear other people have the same feelings. And it is encouraging to remember why we did this and to move forward in faith and embrace the new right now! Thank you!
Megan says
Oh yes! This is such a familiar feeling! We are a military family so I know just how you feel. Everything is too new and there is so much to process and yet you often have to do it without family or even a friend. I always try to remember the quote “I hate change but I love having changed!” I hate moving and learning new streets and meeting new friends and always starting over! However, I know that I have met some amazing people, traveled to envious destinations, learned to pray for boldness, and stepped outside my comfort zone more than I ever dreamed possible! Change is painful but once it’s over we are stronger! I”m so glad you are feeling more at home!
Amber says
Great post! I have so been there. My husband was military and his last duty station was a very difficult transition. He was used to the moving, but we had just gotten married and I had never moved any further outside of a 20 mile radius my entire life. It was awful being states away from family, friends, our church, and everything I’d ever known. It takes time, but you do adjust. He recently got out of service and we just moved back home to Tennessee the first week of September. We’re in Murfreesboro so not too far from you. Let me know if you ever need to vent, a shoulder to cry on, or someone to share a cup of coffee or tea with 😉
Jennifer says
The newness and excitement has worn off and now you just need to get through this. It will get easier. We moved cross-country 8 years ago, so I totally understand about the memories and such. I moved from SC to CO when I was 18. Every time I go back to SC I get this wonderful, familiar, at home feeling – even though I have not lived there in 23 years. You will make memories in TN. The first year is the hardest. The 2nd year will be easier and by then you will have history and memories in TN. Good luck!
Anna says
Really needed to hear this – thanks 🙂
Alysha says
Crystal, this is an incredibly touching post. As someone who has moved many times in her life, and most recently, about 6 months ago, I can totally relate. I love how you speak with such honesty and vulnerability. It reminds us that we can’t all be superwoman, all of the time. I am so glad that you were able to talk openly about your feelings and grieve the loss of your beloved home. Thank you for sharing.
Abundant blessings
Alysha <3
Whitney @ Come Home For Comfort says
I read this post in the middle of a sulking session! My life has changed just this week and I’m way out of my comfort zone. Thank you for the help and encouragement! I like to play it safe, comfortable and controlled…and this new situation is none of those things. I am going to ask the Lord to help me embrace and welcome the change. Thank you, Crystal!
Sarah says
Just try to remember that everything that was old and comfortable was once new, and before you know it all of these new unsettling things will become old, comfortable things. I hate change as well (you might as well have been writing this post about me!) and this is something that I continue to remind myself. ::Hugs::
Kim says
“everything that was old and comfortable was once new”–thank you for those words, Sarah. I needed that perspective today. Reminds me that all old friends were once new friends too.
Dee Wolters says
Crystal, Thanks for being so honest. In the 27 years of marriage, we have moved 7 times. Each time it was difficult! So much work! Especially tough with little (or big) kids. But early on in our marriage, when I knew that moving would be necessary for my husband’s job, I decided that when we moved, I would make this new place the best I could. I knew it would be hard, but I also knew that my attitude would make the difference in how the family made the move.
All your emotions are normal. I feel it usually takes about 1 year to begin to feel “at home” in the new area. And sometimes it feels like a llloonngg year, attending activities where everyone is a stranger, getting lost (a lot), and wishing to go back. I found getting involved in a good church (usually after a bit of searching and trial and error) is the best way to really feel at home in the new location.
On a personal note, our last move was from Idaho to Tennessee. Welcome, Crystal.
Tara V says
Yes! We are on location 5 in 14 years of marriage. The last two moves were just 20 months apart. It’s hard. You will cry. You will miss people and familiar places terribly. But God brings wonderful new things into your life. It will feel slow. I’m right there with you only 3 months into this move. Hang in there and many prayers for you too.
Ann says
I am also sitting here with tears in my eyes as I read this. My husband is resigning as pastor of our church at the end of February and we are waiting on God to tell us where we go from here. I am scared to death and excited all at the same time. I have lived in this same area almost my whole 43 years. We will be moving our three children away from the only area they can remember living in. Thank you for sharing your journey. God used you today to remind me to have faith.
Jen says
I can so relate to this post, Crystal. My divorce from the man I was with 13 years was finalized in April. In late June, I left the Phoenix area for Austin for a fresh start. I wanted a place without memories and a city that was focused on health and fitness, which is a huge part of my life. Since I arrived, my car has been hit by three hit and run drivers, I got a flat tire on the freeway in the rain in bumper to bumper rush hour traffic, had a hubcap stolen, spent several hundred dollars in unforeseen expenses, got an eye stye, got lost numerous times, navigated a gajillion traffic jams, and wrangled with the TX massage board. My 17 year old cat, who I had since he was 6 weeks old, got sick three times and bounced back twice; I had to put him down two weeks ago and I miss him terribly. It was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to do because I had to do it all alone. I think I’ve cried more in the last 4 months than I have in all my previous years combined.
Even with all those awful things, I’ve tried to experience my new hometown as time allows. I’ve been on a downtown Segway tour, tried trapeze, been to a ball, rode in a pedicab, got pulled into a gay pride parade, attended book signings, gone on a few day trips, hiked many new trails, watched the bats fly out from under the Congress bridge, hang glided, attended several different fitness classes, and kayaked.
This past Sunday was my 35th birthday, and I celebrated by going back to AZ for a long weekend to see my friends. I was so happy to be back in familiar surroundings! I was expecting to feel like I wanted to move back, but realized AZ was in my past. I went back to work today for the first time since coming back to Austin. I looked around at my co-workers and realized they were part of my family now, that I would share my future with them. I was embraced by all of them and they prepared a special, healthy lunch for me in honor of my birthday. My patients (I work in physical therapy) said they were worried that I wouldn’t come back, that I’d stay in AZ, and they were all so happy to see me again. I’ve spent the past 4 months feeling very discombobulated, but now I feel I’ve found my center again. I had to go backward, back to AZ for closure, so that I could move forward again in Austin. And, while I wasn’t paying attention and was going through a lot of drama, I had made real friends and real relationships with all these new people. Everyone at work told me today how happy I looked (one patient said I looked like I had a face lift, LOL), and I feel it. The blessings and love I’ve received the past few days take my breath away, and now that I’ve let go of fear and have embraced my new life, I’m able to fully realize all of it.
Rachel Robinson says
We’ve moved twice because of my husband’s job and it is hard! The second move was the hardest and I was moving back to my hometown!! God is faithful and it took time but we do finally feel at home with new friends, church, activities, etc. All of those feelings you talked about are normal and part of God working in you.
Jessi Fearon (@TheBudgetMama) says
I can totally relate to needing routines and familiarity! That is me to a “T”. In fact, I was born, raised, and lived in the same county for 25 years. I moved three years, one county up…but hey, it was a major change! 😉 I had to use the GPS for forever to find my way around. I used to be able to drive all around my safe county and pass houses that my dad grew up in, the gas station my parents met at, I was even able to navigate my super lost friends in high school down back roads. Sometimes God just likes to throw us a curve ball every now and then to remind us that we’re still ALIVE. 🙂
Denise says
Crystal, thank you for sharing this post. My husband and I just moved about 11 months ago and I’m feeling many of the feelings you’re feeling. Plus we bought our first home a month ago tomorrow which brings all new stress. So glad I’m not alone in my feelings. I love your blog so much. I hope and pray that I too can start to feel like things are coming together and can build some good genuine friendships.
Deanna says
LOVE this post. I have such a hard time stepping outside of my comfort zone. The known is way easier for me to deal with. The last years I’ve been working to stretch myself and do things that would normally scare me a little and it’s kind-of freeing. Whenever we talk about it we want to move from our long time home town, I’m torn. Sometimes the opportunities and changes that would happen sound great and other times and comforts and known sound too good to want to leave. I’ve decided to leave it in God’s hands. . . He knows what we need best.
Attitude change really can make a world of difference. So glad you guys have had so many opportunities and friendships already.
Lana says
Ah–I was feeling this lately in your posts. We did the same 21 years ago and it is SO, SO hard. I would not go back though. We love our new home and know that God moved us here. It takes time but I think you are though the worst of it now. Hugs!
Mackenzie says
Love this post Crystal! I can understand what you are going through. A few months ago, we moved from Southern California to Oregon, just outside of Portland. It has definitely been an adjustment for our family. We miss friends and relatives but we know that this was the best decision for our family and our future. God bless! 🙂
C.A. Lewis-McCarren says
Crystal,
I miss you!!!! I’ve texted you a few times, and left a message on your mobile – I think you have a new number…..oh well. 🙂 Regarding your post: I KNOW how you FEEL. Truly. You know I have moved about 34 times in my adult life and it has been hard every time. Remember when I called you up and introduced myself? THAT was hard….but worth it. I took a chance that you would not hang up. We got together at the park, ate chicken salad and talked about your new life in Topeka. You were newly pregnant with K and my Samuel was only a year old at the time. The nice thing about our friendship is that we were both in the same boat – new to the area, big on loneliness, short on rhythm/routine and new friends without a lot of history.
I have been in so many new cities in my life and after a while it became exciting to move each time. I can honestly tell you that it takes about 3 years before you really feel connected and comfortable with your surroundings. My challenge was that at the 3 year mark we were usually packing up to move again – and most of the time it was from one side of the US to the other.
It is nice to see you reaching out with your fears and being real about life. That in itself makes you feel more connected to the people physically around you – they can respond with compassion and understanding…..maybe even COFFEE!!!! LOL!!!!! Truth is, most people don’t move around so much and they do have the foundation in many areas of life that stay the same….or close to the same. It IS rough and it IS scary at times. It happens though and it is part of the process. Jesse was right to remind you of this. I am sure he has his moments too. 🙂 We all do and it is people like you that will make the fear turn into wisdom and do the same for someone else at some point – you will love them where they are AT and give them room to adjust.
So that is my 2 cents worth. I miss you and love you. I am so happy to see how your hard work and efforts have turned into such good fruit. C.
Victoria says
HUGS. I have so been there, in a town 1000’s of miles away from anyone I new, with 3 small kids and a hubby working nights and sleeping days. I spent many nap times and evenings crying too. Now I am 12 years in and I can see so many reasons why God brought us here. This is my home. I still miss my ocean town I called home for 18 years once and a while, but I have grown to love corn fields, sweet tea, and biscuits and gravy just as much. The friendships I have made are so close to my heart, like family, because over the years they have stepped in when family couldn’t. Moving is hard, the first year is a killer, but when you let you embrace your surroundings with a “what can I learn to love about my new town today” attitude, like you seem to be, the awards are amazing.
Cathy says
Thank you so much for posting this . I have under gone Change in the last 5 years lots of change good and not so good, but I have found myself becoming bitter at my husband because of the change . The change was brought by his decision. As I read your post I desired the old and the new is scarly and uncomfortable . I am encouraged to continue and look for the new opportunities that god will bring . Thank you so much for you honesty.
karen b says
I Love this post…..thank you for be so real…….no matter where we are in life we will have trials & have to grow…..this is Gods plan for our lives 🙂 so glad you are finally “fitting” in 🙂 ♥
Jenn says
Crystal, I am sitting here reading this bawling my eyes out. 7 years ago we moved only 4 miles, out of a neighborhood I lived in all of my 30 years. Left the most wonderful neighbors and moved to the country. I hated it and went into a deep depression, overwhelmed with a huge house and total quiet that was driving me nuts! With the grace of God, I made it through but for whatever reason, sometimes (like reading your posts) will set me off and all those feelings will come rushing back. It will get better, lean on your husband and pray and when you have those feelings try to accept and acknowledge them. That was my biggest problem, I had no one to lean on, everyone would say, you only moved 4 miles away (silly I know), and make me feel like I was going crazy. Anyway, just know that you are not alone.