I got onto the elevator with my 4-year-old’s hand clasped in mine. He was so excited to go on a little outing with Mom. I was happy to be spending some one-on-one time with him, too. And it was shaping up to be a wonderful day.
Then I glanced at the two other gals in the elevator with us.
They were so put together. Cute clothes, beautiful hair, flawless makeup… the exact opposite of me.
I’d been running short on time that morning and my attire consisted of a sweatshirt, yoga pants, tennis shoes, a messy ponytail, and no makeup.
Yep, I was the epitome of style. Ahem.
As I began comparing my frumpy looks with these two adorable women, my earlier joy started slipping away.
Why couldn’t I get my act together this morning? Why am I so often resorting to ponytails and sweatshirts? What is my problem? Why can’t I be pretty, cute, and put together like so many other women?
Then I looked down again at the little boy holding my hand. He could care less what Mom is wearing; all he cares is that Mom loves him and is investing in him.
Yes, I want to take a little time to look presentable each day, but spending time on my outward appearance at the expense of moments with my kids is always a choice I will regret.
So you know what I did? I held my head up high, held on tight to my son’s hand, and wore that sweatshirt with pride. I may not ever be nominated for Fashionista of the Year Award, but my kids don’t seem to mind. 🙂
Wendy says
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!!!! I have Cerebral Palsy and Scoliosis, and I when I was pregnent with my son this was a fear of mine. What would my non disabled child think of his Momma walking with him in the stores with a limp. Would he be ashamed? Would he be embarrassed? I decided then and there not to make it a “thing” . Not to discuss it with him overly much. I was just Mom and this is who I am. I explained what the scars were for, and how they helped me to walk better as I got older. I told him about my operations etc, and how I had to have braces on my legs. But, to my 8 year old son, I am just Mom. His mom, and he knows I love him, and he loves me right back. 🙂
Bethany says
I know this is an older post, but I just have to say how much your writing resonates with me. Almost every article shows me a little piece of myself and gives me a better perspective on life. I am so thankful I found your blog – not just for the financial tips, though those are awesome, but for the life lessons you share so freely. Thanks for all you do!
Vanessa says
Well said. So proud of you mama!
Rachel A. says
I was thinking this in regards to having a clean house. I try to keep a clean house but with a 4, 2 yr old, and almost 9 month old it doesn’t stay that way for long. I admit you for pulling yourself out of the comparison and back into enjoying that moment with your son.
Katie says
Well said! Great post. I too have days when I compare myself to other beautifully dressed women and become self conscious. But I remember even though my husband sees women like that all day (he works in retail) he always tells me how beautiful I am when he sees me even if I’m still in pjs lol. The best part is I’m probably way more relaxed and comfortable than those women are and actually less self conscious.
Beth Anne says
Katie, I think you’re exactly right! As a mom who struggles to walk out the door without make-up or a cute outfit, the put-together women struggle with self-consciousness a lot! I don’t even go for a run without cover-up, and it’s not something I’m proud of. Holden does notice my put-together appearance, but sometimes it makes me worry that I’m being a bad example, because he always wants to wear his “nice shoes, and nice pants”…. everywhere! What we do shapes our kids so much, and I need to be a little more comfortable in my comfy clothes. Confidence is the best fashion statement 🙂
And great post, Crystal! I also agree that those ladies were probably envious of that adorable boy on your arm!
Pauline says
…and the funny thing is…those put together ladies, were looking at you…thinking, wow, wish I had a handsome, young man, holding my hand!
Truly, so much beauty seeing mother and child!
Likewise, for years, I didn’t take the time to fix hair, makeup, and so on, yet also good, for our kids to see, mom invests in herself. In my 40’s now, and trying to remember what style is LOL, and enjoy some of that piece.
Think to the future and remember, self-care, is an important lesson, too, for our kids. I, and many mothers I know, sacrificed that along with many other pieces…yet we want our kids to not burn the candle at both ends when they are older, to do good things for themselves, etc.
Beautiful post!
Jenny says
So true! About 2 years ago we moved from MD to KY and on moving day I had no makeup on and my hair in a ponytail with exercise clothes on. On that day of all days, my 4 year old son looked at me and said, :”Mommy you look so pretty!” In my eyes I looked awful but in his eyes I was the most beautiful to him!
Simple, Easy, Frugal says
The comparison game is a dangerous one – and one I think we all feel at times. I know I do!
What I love about this is your awareness of your feelings. It’s so important!
Adrian says
As a working mom who barely has her act together, even though I may look like I do on the outside, I am jealous of YOU! Being able to take time during the day with your child is the biggest blessing you could imagine. I take full advantage of my weekends with family, but I am always envious of the moms/kids I see throughout the week while I am running here and there for work. I bet those ladies thought you were the luckiest and most beautiful woman they saw that day. Because you were. 🙂
Simple, Easy, Frugal says
I totally agree Adrian! I’m a single working mom and I look at moms out and about with their kids during the work day and it tugs at my heart strings.
Crystal Paine says
{Hugs!}
veronica says
This made me smile!! My daughter and I were going to take Mother’s Day photos together this past weekend. I couldn’t find outfits that did not clash and I was not happy with anything in my closet. I finally said “who cares”. She is excited to be with me and that is what matters. Having photos taken together is more important than us being in the perfect outfit. In comfortable shorts and shirts we made our way to the photo location. Luckily we were dressed the way we were. it was windy beyond belief and dresses would have been difficult. Shorts allowed for tree climbing, tickling on the ground and romping around. All activities she loves and will remember me doing rather than “I can’t because I am wearing a dress.”
Jessica says
Ha. Whenever I do my hair, put on nicer clothes and a pair of earrings, it never fails that I will get barfed on, peed (or worse) on, rained on, etc. Which then annoys me! So just about every day is casual day for me. I work from home as a copywriter so yes, I’m that mommy in Target with the screaming toddler and the preschooler running loose while I’m trying to reach the thing on the top shelf, wearing my jogging pants, hoodie and my hair in a ponytail. And I’m ok with that!
The Jewish Lady says
If anyone needs help or inspiration, I’m blogging about style all throughout May. So far, I’ve covered shoes, hosiery, spring style, the elements of style, and more! http://thejewishlady.com/may-style-month/
Crystal Paine says
Thanks so much for sharing!
Dawn @ Reveal Natural Health says
I love this! I always enjoy when I do something alone with just one of my kids. It is nice to have that one on one time where the one kid has 100% of my attention because it really doesn’t happen that often.
Yvonne Reynolds says
I love this! It is so easy for us to feel discouraged when we compare ourselves to others around us. Such a great reminder to find joy in the little moments that God blessed us with. Thank you for sharing this!
Tracy says
Kids can be so full of surprises. Yesterday my son made his First Communion at Church. This is a really big deal in our family. My son normally does not get really dressed up for Church I mean dress shoes and tie, etc. I knew he would be really uncomfortable in his outfit. So to help make him feel better I made sure I was all dressed up to heels, nylons, make up which I don’t really wear. When I told him that I was all dressed up to in things that bugged me he was shocked that I would do that for him. He even said to me are you wearing those really uncomfortable stretchy things girls wear on their legs, when I told him yes, he looked at me and said “Man you really do love me”. It made me laugh and so happy that he understood.
Shelly says
It’s so true our kids just want us and could really care less about how we look as long as they have our attention and time. If we could only see ourselves through their eyes each day. 🙂
KatiePka says
Let me start by saying I’m a mess. I just tried to post a long comment and t disappeared. I bought some muffin mix to make muffins for my son’s snack day and left it at the store. Just got back from picking up a bag of chips instead. And it is just as easy to throw on something nice as something frumpy….IF you have a clue where in the laundry rotation that something nice may be. I never do!
When I drop my son off, I see moms who look amazing and their kids are more fashionable than I ever was. How? Who knows. Here’s the thing: that’s ok.
Can’t we just be ok with ourselves, not because we think we’re better off than someone else? Can’t we women stick together? Those ladies that have it all together– why take comfort in the thought they must be less happy than us? How about maybe they are just as happy? Happier? Take great care of their kids and manage to make it all work? Because that’s a possibility. And it doesn’t make you or me less of a woman. It should not threaten us.
Just as its a possibility that some moms are a mess because they feel a mess, a lack of support that gives them no time for them. Because that’s a possibility, too. Not having time to get ready doesn’t necessarily mean its because that mom spends all her spare time enjoying her kids. I’m not thrilled that I don’t have more me time. In fact, if I’m honest, I think I’d be a happier as better mom if I took it. I just haven’t figured out how…but if I did, I doubt it would be to curl my hair 🙂 that’s just ME.
It’s so hard to just be content to be us, isn’t it? It’s so easy to tear each other down for comfort.
RuthS says
Happy Birthday to Silas! Can’t believe our babies are 5 this week!
Becky R says
My standard attire is jeans, a polo style shirt, and a ponytail, no makeup. What you see is me. I don’t want to spend my time in front of a mirror. I would rather spend that time with my family. Enjoy that special time and know that your little guy will remember that morning with you while the elevator ladies will not.
Nancy says
I would be one of the girls all pulled together in the elevator, but I’d be looking at you and thinking about how much I’d love to be married and have a kiddo and spend my extra time with them in the morning instead of getting so dressed up. 🙂
Crystal Paine says
{Hugs!}
Susan says
Crystal honey, take your own advice and don’t compare yourself to others! 🙂
I’d never be considered in the camp of those who always seem put together. Definitely not. But I do feel a lot better when I’m showered, and clean with my hair looking nice, and dressed in something nice. Not that yoga pants look all that sloppy. They look terrible on me, but they look nice on women like you who are more physically fit.
It helps me a lot to have clothes set out the night before. If I take a minute to do that, then getting dressed in the morning is really quick.
Glad to read that you’re settling into your new home nicely and looking forward to more posts about your day to day life.
Lisa says
I’ll bet those ladies were looking at you wishing they could be in your shoes,, uhh sneakers 😉
With their kids. We always seem to look at others when we should stop and look within.
I hope you both had a great day!!
Dianne says
I recently heard this bit of wisdom: To compare is to despair.
Ashley P says
lol. I looked like that before I even had kids! In high school, I was too invested in my studies to care about looking pretty. I mean, I was clean, but I didn’t wear makeup, and I got really excited when my private school started letting girls wear slacks. It just meant I didn’t have to shave my legs! My schoolwork was more important to me than my looks. So, I wore a ponytail, my school uniform, and no makeup.
As I type this, I just got into work. I brushed my hair in the break room while the coffee was brewing, I’m wearing a maternity dress even though I haven’t been pregnant in nearly a year (isn’t it amazing how versatile these dresses are?) and, once again, no cosmetics in sight. I spritzed on a bit of perfume to cover up the smell of fabric softener and baby drool, but that’s about all.
And I wouldn’t ever trade time with my son to look like America’s Next Top Model. To borrow from scripture: “Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting”… and our kids are only kids for a little while. 🙂
Sarah says
This is a reminder that I need all too often. And generally when it happens I try to remind myself of one of my favorite quotes by Eleanor Roosevelt- “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” So you hold your head high and wear those sweats and ponytail! Chances are there are women out there looking at you and thinking that they wished they had the self confidence to leave the house without the “mask” of make-up and cute clothes.
Linda says
I have a theory that those moms that look all put “together” is merely a facade for how they are feeling inside. Right or not, it’s my own little theory.
I am one of those moms too who never seem to be put together all the time. My kids don’t mind either.
Grace Hurd says
Happy #5 to SILAS! I can always remember…..because he was born on MY birthday and we were headed to Alaska for our son’s graduation from Alaska Bible College when Silas was born 🙂 Trust it will be a wonderful day of celebration for the entire family. Blessings!
Crystal Paine says
Thank you so much! And Happy Birthday to you!
Jessica says
Beautiful. Thank you so much for this humbling reminder of what matters most. I have been struggling with self-confidence ever since my hair stopped coming in curly. I had curly hair for so long, I don’t know what to do with straight, frizzy hair. But, as you said, my son doesn’t care what mommy’s hair looks like – or if it has been two days since I’ve washed it (that’s how it was when we ran to the store this morning! 😛 ). He’s just thrilled to be with me. Thank you.
Ashley P says
I find my hair actually looks better when I only wash it once or twice a week. If I wash it too often, it dries out and gets frizzy. Maybe you should wash it a little less often and see if that helps. Then you don’t have to feel guilty about not washing it more frequently. 😉
Mel says
I can agree with you to an extent.. Hair.. Clothes.. Makeup etc. those aren’t important. But taking 30-45 minutes a day to exercise (outward appearance) verses spending time with my kid is not something that we should feel guilty about. It’s important for us to be healthy.. Not overweight and show our children good healthy habits. These 30-45 minutes a day working out gives me more energy and happier in order to be a “better mom”.
Jen says
Don’t you know? Yoga pants are considered acceptable wear now. It’s a thing, I swear. Look at Hollywood “stars in real life” photos. On another note, one young man told me “I love women in yoga pants. There’s just something about them.” So…there’s that! LOL
Liz Watson says
Surprise those little ones, show up for lunch at school pony tail and all it rocks their world.they love you not what you wear.
Hollaina says
I have rocked the “mom bun” more times than I can count. However, I still make it a point to put on jeans and a cute top and at least a cute pair of earrings before I head out. Even if I am makeup-less that day.
Lauren @ Mommy's Getting Strong says
This made me tear up. We have all been there. Ok maybe not all. Maybe there are some women who really are cute and put together all the time. But not me. And I am very aware of it, which almost makes it worse. I just don’t have the time/energy/desire/style to be that way. It doesn’t come naturally to me. I think seeing ourselves through our children’s eyes is so special though. You know what my son sees when he looks at me? None of the flaws that I see. He just sees Mommy, and he loves me so purely I want to burst 🙂
Wendy, A Day in the Life on the Farm says
Amen!! You go girl!
FMR says
This is the saying I have posted next to my bathroom mirror: Comparison only leads to discontent. It’s gotten me through many a not glamorous day.
Marsha says
“There’s no win in comparison.” Andy Stanley.
Mandy says
So many times throughout the years I have had the same thoughts you had about pulling myself together. However, looking back, my children never once complained about their mom being in sweats and a pony tail. They are teenagers now, and when they look back they talk about the time that we have had and the memories that we have, even if it was just to go to the nearest gas station for a cherry slush and play basketball outside. Your post just reminded me of all those times.
Staci says
How do they do it? And in addition….the ones that walk their kids to school carrying their porcelain coffee cup!! Number one, they had time to make it?? And number two, how do they not spill it on their freshly pressed white linen??? Boggles my mind!! 🙂
Kim says
You should never let anyone steal your joy.
Charity says
Umm, you ARE pretty, cute, and put together! Very! 🙂 But I understand what you’re saying and I think all of us mommies feel that way at times.
Lora says
I do the same thing however my little man ALWAYS says “mommy I like your face without makeup on it” in fact I fixed my hair today and he says “I don’t like it puffed up like that. Where is your ponytail?” Through the eyes of a child!!
Emulvey2001 says
That’s funny – My son (age 4) only seems to compliment me if I get dressed up. The other day I wore my hair down and he said “Mommy, you have a nice haircut now!” Ironically, I’ve only been wearing my hair up lately because it’s desperately in need of a cut….it’s usually too short for a ponytail.
Allyson @ All Our Days says
I know exactly how you felt. Many times getting all five kiddos dressed and out of the house is an accomplishment in itself. Often times I get discouraged because I don’t feel nearly as put together as the other women I see, especially now that I’m 5 1/2 months pregnant with baby #6. Thank you for the reminder to focus on what really matters…spending time with and enjoying those we love, even if that means yoga pants and ponytails 🙂
Challice says
your children wont remember the day you were put together. The will, however, remember the moments spent with them…
Jennifer says
This so makes me feel better. I am so often in yoga pants and sweatshirts! And I just have the one child, so I feel like I have no excuse!
Laura says
I wear sweatshirts too. I have one from my oldest daughter’s college – she is graduating on May 19th and one from my middle daughter’s college – she is finishing her freshman year … and I hope to have another in a year or two from my third daughter who is currently a HS Junior… at age 52 my sweatshirts are the best looking part of me : )
Megan says
You’re absolutely right! After all, your son will remember his special outing with Mom far longer than anyone will remember what you were wearing or how your hair was done.
Kimberly says
Ah! We’ve all been there! I’ve learned as an alternative to wasting precious time getting all dolled up, or on the opposite end of the spectrum, doing nothing and looking frumpy, I can slip on something that’s just as easy as yoga pants and a sweatshirt, but a little more “put together” so I can have the best of both worlds. A pair of jeans and a cute top, or a sundress doesn’t take any more effort to put on than sweats… and can boost my self-esteem even if my hair isn’t perfect. Actually, I live in ponytails! And unless I’m going formal, I never have any makeup. Glad you enjoyed your time with your little man! You’re right, at the end of the day that’s the most important thing!
Erin @ My Mommy World says
I know how you feel…my husband asked me the other day if I had taken a shower when I got home from the gym earlier that morning. I looked down and realized that I had put on yoga pants and a t-shirt…pretty much the same thing I wear to exercise. And after cleaning house all afternoon, the hair and make-up that I put on after my shower had pretty much disappeared, making me look like I hadn’t taken any time with my appearance.
Luckily, the clean sheets, vacuumed floors, home-cooked meal and dessert made him feel pretty good that night 🙂
Lana says
I am friends with my GYN (weird yes, it just happened) and she told me once that she would love to be able to stay home and put her hair in a ponytail in the morning and wear comfy clothes everyday. So now you know! They WERE envying you!
Victoria says
I think we all feel like this from time to time. I can’t help but think perhaps those ladies in the elevator were thinking “man those yoga pants look so much more comfy than my skinny jeans”.
Sara K. says
Rock that pony tail, girl!
“It is not fancy hair, gold jewelry or fine clothes that should make you beautiful. No, your beauty should come from inside you-the beauty of a quiet and gentle soul. That beauty will never disappear and it is worth very much from God.” – 1 Peter 3:3-4
Cat @ MaryMarthaMama says
Isn’t it amazing how they look at us like we are the most beautiful women in the world? At least that’s how I feel when my sons look at me. sweatshirt and all 🙂
Heather says
Thank you for your openness. This is exactly what I needed to hear today. You put it in perfect words.
Beth says
I know the girls you were talking about-I ran into them later and they told me that they were jealous that you looked so calm and happy in your casual outfit when they spent hours getting ready that morning. 😉
Brandy @ The Prudent Homemaker says
🙂
Lisa says
Best reply ever. 🙂
Rebecca Goernandt says
Ha! Great response! 🙂
beth says
your reply was brilliant and actually made me tear up.
Crystal Paine says
Too funny! 🙂
CJ says
I am sporting the exact same hairdo and outfit today too. I was doing the same as you today too, comparing myself to some of the other moms picking up their kids from school but then I realized that everyone’s situations are different. My children are going to be little for so long and they are worth every ponytail, hoodie sweatshirt day that I have with them because soon they will both be in school full time and I will have a little more time for me but I know I will miss all those extra hours during the day I had with my children.
jane says
Thanks for sharing! This is a sweet reminder. It takes all my effort to get a one and three year old out the door to go ANYWHERE and I rarely feel as pulled together as the other mom’s at the store or library. But my kids love anytime spent with me, especially when I’m going out or doing something special with them! 🙂