After some financial difficulties, my husband and I are back on track in our lives. I am at home with the children and he is working very hard. I do clean a condo on the weekend for some extra money.
Since we are on a tight budget, saving for a home of our own is going to take some time, maybe even several years. I know you were once in this situation. How did you stay patient? I find myself dreaming of cottages and looking at the real estate listings. I don’t want to feel like I am “just passing time” until we reach our goal.
How did you find the patience when “waiting” for a home? You always seemed so at ease and calm during that time. -Dawn
First off, I will tell you that I’m not naturally a patient person. I’m a get ‘er done and get ‘er done now type of gal.
However, God has taught me a lot about patience in the last nine years of my life. Over and over, things haven’t worked out in the timing or way I would have chosen. There have been unexpected job losses, there have been multiple times when we didn’t know what we were going to do for employment or where we would be living the next month, there have been business failures, and there have been many other setbacks.
It’s been hard, but oh-so-good for me to have to learn to wait and to learn to embrace less-than-ideal situations because that was pretty much the only choice I had. And looking back, I can truly see that God’s timing has always been much better than my own timing.
I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I wouldn’t be writing this blog, I wouldn’t be writing a book, and my husband wouldn’t be running a successful law practice if it weren’t for the hard lessons we learned through times of waiting. So be encouraged; waiting can be a wonderful thing!
Here’s my advice for you:
1) Set Big Goals and Break Them Down Into Bite-Sized Pieces
Where do you hope to be in three to five years from now? Sit down with your husband and map out some specific written goals of where you want to be at the end of three to five years.
Then, break these down into small monthly and weekly goals. For instance, if you hope to have $15,000 saved in three years to use as a down payment on a home, you’ll need to save $5,000 per year. This translates to $417 you need to save per month, or around $105 you need to save each week. If, after reviewing your budget, you realize this is just not feasible, either revamp your goal, extend the timeframe, or find some areas in your budget to cut.
This specific weekly figure gives you parameters to work with. You now know exactly how much you need to save each week to hit your goal on target. You may not be able to hit the $105 figure each week, but proactively aiming for it will give you much greater momentum in actually achieving your goal.
2) Don’t Look At What You Can’t Have
You can’t afford a house right now, so don’t even look. Window shopping almost always evokes discontentment.
Avoid real estate listings, don’t stop at any open houses, and don’t shop for future furniture online. Just block all of it out of your mind right now–except to let it propel you towards your weekly and monthly goals.
3) Make the Most of What You Do Have
Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, seek to embrace and make the most of what you do have right now. Maybe you are crammed into a crackerbox apartment. Rather than waking up and going through your day grumbling about the lack of space, let it motivate you to pare down, get creative with organization, and be thankful that a smaller home means less to clean and more time to spend doing things you enjoy.
4) Remember That You Are Richer Than Almost Everyone Else in the Whole World
According to statistics on WiseGeek.com: “Over three billion people — more than half the world population as of 2010 — live on less than $2.50 US Dollars (USD) a day. More than 80% of the population lives on less than $10 USD per day.”
Most of us know nothing about true poverty. Times might be tough, finances might be tight, and you may be worried about how you are going to stretch your paycheck to cover all the expenses you have, but most of us cannot imagine what it would be like to live without a roof over our heads, clothes on our backs, shoes to wear, food to eat, running water, a working toilet, and so many other things things we consider necessities that many in the world would deem to be luxuries.
If you didn’t have to rummage in the garbage to scrounge up something to eat for lunch today, if you didn’t sleep on a cardboard box under a bridge last night, and if you own more clothes than you are currently wearing, you have much to be thankful for.
I’d love to hear from the rest of you: what helps you to be patient while waiting for something you really want?
Subscribe for free email updates and be entered to win $100!
{ 108 comments }
← Previous Comments
I know this doesn’t apply to everyone, but I keep telling myself that my boys have a much better childhood than I did. My childhood (early 1980s) was of great poverty. My family of 8 was homeless for more than a year. We were all separated and living with different friends and family. Before we became homeless, my family was dirt poor. There were times we didn’t have electricity or hot water.
Luckily, I worked my way through college and married a wonderful man.
At first, Dh and I did have the good life when we first had kids. We both had great jobs in a different state making 50K each and had a brand new house. Fast forward to now and we now live on just 50K alone. Dh works full-time and I only work part-time (12-15 hours a week). We also live in a much smaller house and live paycheck to paycheck some months. But no matter how bad it gets, my three boys still have a much better life than I did growing up. And that’s what keeps me patient.
Forgot to add that we moved back to our home state six years ago and that’s why we had to downsize and take lesser paying jobs.
- Find similarly minded people. My husband and I used to really struggle looking around at our friends who were going on vacations all the time, buying new cars, etc. We made similar salaries but we didn’t want to go in debt for those things and our friends didn’t mind.
– Stop looking (this is my fave of Crystal’s tips). I’d take it a step further from the open houses. I discontinued a magazine subscription I had loved because everytime I looked at an issue I felt like my house was not as beautiful, my food was not as fancy, my clothes were not as nice. It’s been great to not have those monthly discontentment sessions!
– When feeling down, write down how much you’ve saved, how much you think you can save next week, week after, etc. Maybe I’m just OCD but it helps me to focus on the little steps to find progress sometimes.
– Most importantly of all, prayer and reading the Bible. There are so many wonderful Scriptures about God’s providence, His faithfulness, and contentment.
I agree with your comment about who your friends are. We had friends we did quite a bit with and we always wondered how can they buy a new vehicle, go on vacations all the time, go out to eat all the time, buy another new vehicle, etc. We were actually told by someone quite knowledgeable to separate ourselves from them a little bit because they were making us feel bad/jealous all the time. In the end, these friends ended up losing their business and their home. So “looks” can be deceiving. Sometimes the person with the older vehicle and modest home is the person with all the cash. I have learned it is better to focus on ourselves and what we can afford and try very hard not to keep up with the Joneses. Paying with cash is KEY!
That is so very true. We had a similar situation with a family that had lots of “toys”, bought a new house, etc. They later had to do a short sale, we learned they were having to choose between making payments and buying food. It was a sad (but impactful) reminder that paying cash and living a more modest lifestyle – even though we can “afford” more – is the way to go for us!
Instead of focusing on what you don’t have focus on what you can do to get what you want. Do you have naything you don’t use/need that you could sell on eBay or Amazon? Are there other ways you can bring in additional money? Good luck to you. While owning a home is nice it is a lot of work and responsibility, I’m glad you’re not rushing into it.
To echo others: Do you what you can to make your current home “homey” so you can enjoy life now. Organizing, some flowers, keeping things tidy, and repainting don’t cost much, and can help your morale a lot.
Also, in addition to not looking at real estate, I’d be real careful with magazines also. They always have photos in ads and articles of beautiful rooms and homes. And while I love HGTV, that channel is almost evil! People looking at perfectly fine homes, and turning up their spoiled noses at them! I only watch it while out of town in hotels or in the hospital, since we don’t have cable, and I have to remind myself to do a reality check constantly. My home is just fine by normal standards. So I’d recommend steering clear of HGTV and the like.
I agree! We had cable / HGTV for about a year and a half. HGTV is so much fun! But, I think the discontent and “wanting more” I let develop in me as I watched it during that time led to the purchase of a home my husband and I really should not have bought. I grew impatient, but should have waited. It’s been a constant struggle to stay afloat financially ever since. We’re living and learning.
There are so many needed repairs we can’t begin to afford right now. Besides all that, my husband and I have come to the conclusion we aren’t into major do-it-yourself repairs like we thought we would be. Oh for the days of renting! We do the repairs we can because we have to, but it’s no fun hobby for us after all.
Please be encouraged, things sometimes take a long time to come together. It took me 10 years to save up for a down payment on my first home (not to buy the house debt free, JUST the down payment:) At times it was very frustrating to see others moving into their beautiful homes — I went to home shows to help spurn me to my goal faster but I ended up feeling discouarged instead.
Crystal gave great advice of focusing on how much we have instead of what we don’t have. After facing discouargement because it was taking so long to meet my goal, I began to do this and felt so encouaraged and uplifted.
I didn’t grow up with hot water, an indoor bathroom, or heat in the bedrooms in the wintertime. Growing up, I only thought “rich” people had those things. Even now, all these years later, it is still such a blessing to step under the hot shower spray and get all of me wet at once! We really do have so much!
Thank you so much, I really needed this. We have come a very long way & extremely grateful for what we have been blessed with. However, waiting for the next exciting step is hard. My husband just got a nice raise & a few people have asked if we’ll be moving. While the thought is so exhilarating, the reality makes me very uneasy.
We do not think that the housing market will be changing much in the next 2-3 years, & it seems like that’s just the right amount of time that we’ll need to save. My husband is doing “research” and it just makes me want to go out & see the houses. So I’m having to ignore it as much as possible. Our financial update will post tomorrow!
Gosh this post is timely. I have struggled for many years with having 2 siblings who are very well off,have beautiful decorative homes and drive nice new cars. My sister is able to go to any store like Gap,Scheels etc and buy her kids anything. Money seems to no object. It is painful for me to see this and I have cried so many tears over this whole situation. I am a single mom to 2 girls adopted from China. I beleive we have a small,but nice home and it is clean. There are not many things or decorations in the house and on the walls etc. I am unable to go out and just drop money on things. I have prayed a lot over my feelings and try not to be bitter etc and my beliefs have changed about stuff. After simplifying my home over the last 2yrs I have come to the realization that this was just stuff that we never even needed. I pray so hard that God continues to stir my heart into keeping a simple life and accepting what is is. On the flip side I have no consumer debt and just refinanced my house for a 15yr mortgage at 3.35% so that is a huge blessing. I am very blessed with my beautiful girls and our rich life.
To me your home sounds ideal. I love a simple home. Less time to clean and care for it too. Your daughters must be a great blessing. Your riches are not in “stuff” – but more important things. Sounds like you are doing a wonderful job. Thank you for sharing.
Good advice. I’m 53 and have a few years “patience-training” on many of you young whipper-snappers.
To me, the key is emotional detachment. “Don’t look at what you can’t have” is good advice if you can’t be detached. If you can be, go to loads of open houses. Learn the market. Track the real estate transfers. What did a house list for, then sell for and how long did it take? Start to train yourself to look for issues in a house – wet basements, badly installed wiring/plumbing, leaky windows. Then when you are ready to buy, you will be a very savvy shopper.
Don’t live in a fantasy of what you can’t have (the $2.2 million beach house). Train yourself to really SEE a house for its structural integrity.
And I agree to fix up where you do live. Make it as lovable as possible. Even if it is a rental, it is YOUR home. Bloom where you’re planted!
I totally agree with the no-window-shopping rule with one little tweak… Find a pic of one house that is realistically the kind of house you will be looking for. Keep that one pic somewhere where you will see it. Use it to remind you of your goals and to remind you to pray for God’s help in reaching them. It wasn’t long ago that I was exactly where you are. This helped me. When I just knew I had to have a new outfit or go out to a fancy restaurant, I would see “my goal pic” and know that the other things just weren’t that important. For me, setting goals is hugely important, but I also need something visual to remind me of my goals when I’m starting to get off track.
this a timely post for me. my husband lost his job the week we sold our condo, and we could not buy a house like we planned. It took 3 years of renting for us to save enough money to buy the smallest, cheapest house on a very nice block. We are fixing it up bit by bit. It is not the dream house I thought I would live in, and in fact it is pretty shabby right now.
Sometimes I get jealous of the younger families living in the gorgeous mcmansions that dot the block. Then I remind myself of how much less money we pay to live in the exact same neighborhood and i feel better. Everyone in my family is doing/living better than us, and sometimes that makes me jealous, too.
Oh well! There’s always someone better/worse off, as we all know, and I am just greatful for my job and my family.
Thank you so much for this post. Today was just one of those days when the to-do list and the to-pay list were slowly drowning out my to-be-thankful list and hearing this just gave me a new sense of inspiration. We are more than blessed, even sitting here reading this blog is a blessing, so thank you for the reminder that my worst day could be someones best day and that God is always looking out for us, so that alone is a blessing.
The “remember you are richer than the rest of the world” is huge for me. I live in Thailand, and even in our nice neighborhood, there are those stalling building homes just because they get to live in a tiny shed in the grace for free while they build it. For them, stalling a building project, even if they are making less than $10 a day, means a roof over their heads.
Another thing is just focusing on sharing the love of Jesus. If I’m busy sharing all I have (not necessarily financial — love, etc), I don’t have time to feel bad for ourselves.
There is a type of waiting where we know what is going to happen by not when, such as what the people must have felt just before the day of Pentecost. In many ways, I feel that right now with my finances. I hate the waiting, but Jesus says he wants us to learn to wait on him!
While working towards your savings goals, continue to look for additional income opportunities. You never know what might present itself in the next few years.
The “remember you are richer than the rest of the world” is huge for me. I live in Thailand, and even in our nice neighborhood, there are those stalling building homes just because they get to live in a tiny shed in the grace for free while they build it. For them, stalling a building project, even if they are making less than $10 a day, means a roof over their heads. I have running water, but I have also gone weeks without. Definitely makes me appreciate what I have!!!
Another thing is just focusing on sharing the love of Jesus. If I’m busy sharing all I have (not necessarily financial — love, etc), I don’t have time to feel bad for ourselves.
There is a type of waiting where we know what is going to happen by not when, such as what the people must have felt just before the day of Pentecost. In many ways, I feel that right now with my finances. I hate the waiting, but Jesus says he wants us to learn to wait on him!
One thing that has helped me keep jealousy of what others’ have in check is to realize that I have no idea how other people use their income. Some may truly earn lots of money, gotten that new car as a gift, or be financing their lifestyle up to their eyeballs. I’m guessing most are the latter as I’m now seeing people who seemed financially secure to me, losing their homes.
Having been thru several anticipated and unexpected layoffs in the past 10 years, it would have been significantly more stressful if unemployment and other money we could bring in was paying a credit card vs. food and mortgage for our family.
Hang in there! You will get your goals and it will feel and taste so much sweeter for the wait!
I really like number 3. The things I find myself wanting the most are a house, a nicer car, and nicer clothes (we live in an affluent suburb and it feels weird to be without these things a lot). I find that taking care of the things I do have helps me a lot. For example:
I keep our small apartment clutter-free and cheerfully decorated (doesn’t have to be expensive)
I keep my old car clean and maintained
I wash my clothes regularly and mend them as necessary, keeping them looking nice.
It’s hard at times but I try to remember how fortunate I really am. I have plenty to eat, a loving husband, and a small but very nice little place to live.
For me I have had to create a balance in the “not looking (coveting) at what I can’t have” and letting the “Divine discontent” God develops in me to motivate me to move through a bad situation to reach my goal. “Divine discontent” is something someone once taught about and I wish I could explain better what it is. The Holy Spirit sometimes gives us a divine discontent that is different from envy to help motivate us through to a new level of accomplishment He has in mind for us.
Window shopping in a prayerful way can be done to help you envision the future you want for yourself. Use pictures cut from magazines and catalogs that illustrate the life that you want for yourself (as you have prayed about with God). Paste these pictures creatively on a poster board honoring the vision of the goal or goals you and God have set for yourself, with God at the center and at the top, write out: “For this or something better, I thank You, God!” This sort of imaging is called “Treasure Mapping” and you can look it up for more information about how to create treasure mapping to reach your goals. Keeping the image of what your goal as a real image can help you focus on the steps of getting there as well as keeping it from just being a vague sense of “money for a house” it will be a real vision of a house. Then once you have that, you can stop “window shopping” and trust that God will provide it in time as you do your part with the saving and homekeeping.
My husband was once making a very nice salary but quit work in order to go back to school to pursue the dream we have for our family – so we are living off of savings account and each month watching it shrink. Hard to do when the friends all around us are increasing their possessions with cool toys and good food {not that we were doing that when we had an income… it’s just all of a sudden harder when you *can’t* do it!} -
Anyways, the thing that has helped me most with being patient in this “waiting” stage is to look at those around me and really try to see their needs. A college student moving out on her own? I went through my mug collection and found two nice matching ones we didn’t really need and asked her if she’d like them – she was thrilled. Cooking dishes I don’t need? I cook a simple meal and give the whole thing to a family in need – if they remember to return the dish then I can continue the favor, if not, not a big deal.
There are SO many hurting people in circumstances so far beyond my situation. Finding ways to practically and creatively serve others definitely helps me not just “get through” this stage of our lives but truly enjoy it.
Wow! This was a good reminder for me! Having spent almost 12 years on the mission field in Malawi, I know that we are richer than a lot of people. This sometimes is hard to believe. But it’s true. It’s easy to get discouraged and think we need more than we have. But God is supplying our every need. One thing that encourages me is that verse in Ps 37-”Delight thyself also in the Lord, and he shall give thee the desires of thy heart.” If we are delighting ourselves in God then our desires will be right desires, and God will grant us the desires of our heart. This doesn’t mean right away. So, the big question is what or who are we delighting in. Is God everything to us or not?
for me something I have been doing is when I really want something new, I take extra care of the item I have now- I clean out the old fridge until it sparkled when I wanted a new one to match the oven that had died and we had to replace, I think of the house as how I would want a new one, clean out get rid of, and deep clean. All of the sudden the old thing is not so bad, AND you are showing God you are a good steward of what you have been given!
Love this response!
So very true abt not looking bc it breeds discontentment. We currently own a home abt 1000 sq feet we have 3 small children and feel cramped. My husband would like to move but we are in no position to do so. He’s been looking online at houses and wants me to look with him. I told him I didnt want to as it just makes me upset and want to move and I know we cant. I would rather just be content in what we have. It is much more than what most people in the world have. In fact the original owners of the house raised 5 boys in it, so it can be done. It just isnt what our current society is used to!
Jill
I just wanted to say thank you for this and for many other post. i have gone thur this issue w/ patience and wanting things now and i realize that these are test that God put us thur to create character in us and every day that God allow us to wake up and a day closer to reaching our goals. Knowing that God will always provide for his children and never forsake give me a since of peace and im able to relax and take one day at a time and do the little things i can do to get ahead. Thank you so much again for the post, Crystal you have really helped me.
“…especially harmful is the assumption that anything worthwhile can be acquired at once. We assume that if something can be done at all, it can be done quickly & efficiently.”
Eugene Peterson – A Long Obedience In The Same Direction
How true is that. “Waiting” reminds me of the Israelites and the journey they went on for 40 years in the desert…mostly waiting. They waited for food, provision, direction. They waited for clear instructions on what to do, and how to do it. Yes, they weren’t always obedient, hence the 40 years in the desert. However, during the times when they were obedient, many miraculous things happened and promises were fulfilled. For me, waiting is sometimes difficult, but I know that I know that I know, that the promises God has for me and my family, will only come through obedience and waiting on Him for clear direction. If I take everything on from my own strength and do everything how I want it and when I want it, I will only be stuck in the desert. I want to be a person who is living in the promised land, basking in ALL the goodness and promises that God has for me. Anything worthwhile is worth the wait.
Great post! My daughter recently memorized Hebrews 13:5 and we have decided to say it every day. We are surrounded by people who own what seems to us luxurious homes and vehicles to match. It is easy to get caught up in discontentment and I have struggled with that a lot recently. We are renters also. One good thing about renting is that you are mobile so when that job does come along, you are not stuck in a house that you cannot get rid of. You also do not have the expenses (sometimes very high) of maintenance. I praise God we are renting right now!
I learned this lesson the hard way when getting pregnant didn’t come naturally for us. It was really difficult because it was something we felt like we had no control over. It took time, lots of prayer and tears, but i learned that God has reasons for things taking time. He’s using this time to make you into the person he knows you want to be when the intended outcome finally does come about. For me it was becoming the woman I needed to be so that I could be the parent that God knew I wanted to be (you know how so many times you find out after the fact that he knows what you want more than you do?). Every hardship is a possibility for growth. Every moment you spend working hard to complete your goal is a chance for you to learn something or better yourself in some way. God led us to some really great doctors and we now have two beautiful, wonderful children. I’d do it all over again if I had to!
I worked full time for 2 yrs after my first child was born. I was a stay at home mom for the next 13 yrs. How? Patience/sacrifice. Not getting caught up with the need to “keep up with the Jones”. Each time I wanted something that was not in the budget, I reminded myself of those 2 yrs I was working and longed to be home with my child. For me, nothing was worth going back to work for. I was willing to live in a small house with used furniture, and drive an older model car, if it meant I could be home with my children.
← Previous Comments
{ 1 trackback }